and we promised

Chapter 40

OLIVIA

Dear Livie,

it's been one day since I last told you I love you.

My heart aches without you.

I hope you're doing fine, my love. I know I am not. Your heart is not beating next to mine. I can't see your smile. I can't hold you in my arms and kiss you.

They say times fly by quickly. I hope it does. For I want to get back home to you.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

two days since I last told you I love you.

I've arrived at the recruitment center. The training here is hard. They want us to do more push-ups than I could ever do and run through the rain even.

Yet I know I want to learn how to fight. I want to learn how to protect.

I miss you, princess.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

fourteen days since I last told you I love you.

Someone mentioned Set Fire to the Rain today and I had to think of you. Who am I kidding? I am always thinking of you. However, today more than ever. I remembered that karaoke party. When everyone was so drunk so we set free on stage, not caring what anyone might think. They didn't remember it anyway.

Oh, Livie, how I love that song. It reminds me of you.

I wonder if you also remember that day.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

one hundred and eight day since I last told you I loved you.

I wonder if you're ever going get these letters. Read them. I hope you're not going to cry if you read them. All I wanted to do was talk to you. Even though it feels as if I'm a one-way caller.

I miss you, princess. Someone told me there's nothing like the feeling of returning home. But you're my home, Livie. And the feeling of returning into your arms cannot be measured. I sometimes dream about the day I'll see you again. I often dream about that day. Will I be able to kiss you? Will I be able to hold you tight?

Whatever we'll do on that magical day, one thing is for sure.

I'll be home.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

seven-hundred fifty-six days since I last told you I love you.

I am writing to you from a hospital bed.

A mission went wrong. I failed.

The doctors are wondering if I'll ever be able to walk again. Playing pro is out of the question.

What am I going to do?

I need you. I know that if you'll be here, you'll give me one of your hugs and you'll tell me it's alright. You'll tell me we'll get through this together. You'll tell me there's hope.

But you're not here. And I'm alone. And all hope is lost.

What am I going to do?

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

seven-hundred sixty-three days since I last told you I love you.

I was allowed to go home today. I can't go back in the army. They say I'm too injured to go back on the field. For although the doctors healed my knee, I still can't do intense physical activity. Like missions. Or playing football.

The bandage on my knee is a constant reminder of what I lost. And will forever be. I'll have to wear it daily for the rest of my family. A small fabric around my knee, keeping I together.

I am breaking apart.

Mom and Dad are taking me home. Dad asked me if I wanted to come with him this season. He has to play in different cities, so he told me it might be a good idea to get my mind off it all. Mom also proposed to take me with her. However, I am slightly leaning more to Dad's offer. A few months watching hockey sounds more fun than a few months watching people act romance on film sets.

We might go on a family holiday soon. Just the three of us. Mom says it's to take some time off, but I know they're doing it to keep me occupied.

I don't know what to do, Livie. I'm twenty and my life seems to have stopped having a meaning. I lost my job. I will never be able to do my dream job. I will always have to pay attention how hard I exercise and what I am allowed to do.

But most importantly, you're not here.

And you're the part of my life I really miss.

I miss you, princess.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

nine-hundred seventy-eight days since I last told you I love you.

I have a paper in my hands with the certificate of Aivilo Report. I never thought a few articles would grow into this.

As I'm staring at the name of my new company, I hope you would be here. Who am I kidding, why have I named the company Aivilo in the first place? Turns out naming it directly "Olivia" is a little too on the nose, so naming it backwards did the trick. As I see the name, I think of you. Of your smile. Your deep eyes. Your hugs. The way you would always know just what to say. The way you make me laugh. I think of your kindness. Your beauty. Your perfect soul.

I think of you.

I miss you, princess.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nathan

~

Dear Livie,

it's been a thousand and two days since I last told you I love you.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt of you hugging me, then as I opened my eyes, I realized it was all my imagination.

I woke up trembling. Because I realized that it wasn't just a dream. I'm living that nightmare.

I love you, princess.

I miss you.

Yours forever,

Nathan