Honest Illusions [niall horan]

Chapter 21

Aubrey's P.O.V.

Quiet and lonesome, I sat at my kitchen table, mindlessly stirring my spoon in my tea. With each sip of the herbal beverage, a frail sense of tranquility began arising inside me. Aside from the obnoxious sipping noises my mouth made when I drank, the continuous ticking of the clock sounded to my right. I looked down at my hands, and immediately my eyes zeroed in on my left hand's ring finger. My finger looked so bare and simple without the ring. The fact that the simple removal of an inanimate object could effect my emotions to such an extent made my head spin. Already dazed from a lack of sleep, I wrapped my hands around my mug before bringing it up to my lips and taking another sip.

Usually I hated waking up this early in the morning, but my mind gave me no other choice. Hardly any sleep came to me last night. Each time I went to lay my head down on my pillow, I remained wide awake due to the excessive amount of stressful thoughts roaming my mind. Niall spent the night yet again, even though I told him countless times he could go back to his hotel. Come to think of it I didn't even know how long he was staying here in New York. Regardless of his departure, I hated being a burden to him. All I did was cry and whine to him, while he just sat there like sponge, soaking up all my tears and misery.

Niall treated me with so care and compassion, I actually became overwhelmed by it all. I knew he didn't expect anything in return from me; his personality held those two qualities, so he couldn't help but express those emotions. But Niall also loves me, which still baffles me to this day. Why? I possessed nothing special, and that aspect was made perfectly clear for me only a few days ago. Pete distorted my entire perspective on relationships. I mean cheating on me twice must mean something, right? If I drove him to the point of cheating on me while we were engaged, obviously I was the problem. Then it hit me; I truly am the problem.

All I have ever done is hurt Niall; I mean it was always the ultimate result of my actions. Yet he still continues to hold this strong admiration for me, and my heart constricted at that. Of course I love Niall, I never stopped, whether it be as friends or more than that. As I had told him, he left a huge imprint in my life and nothing could erase it. My heart held such a big place for Niall. Currently, though, I didn't know what, or who, I wanted. Neither my heart nor my mind were anywhere near being stable enough to establishing such strong feelings of attraction for anyone, even Niall. Everything continued to topple and topple onto my plate. I loathed every single aspect of it.

Hurried footsteps rushing into the kitchen immediately broke me out of my desolate thoughts. Adam flashed me a tired smile while he adjusted the belt buckle wrapped around his khakis. "Morning sleepy head," I chuckled as I reached over to the center of the table to grab the lunch I had made him earlier.

A yawn escaped Adam's mouth before his eyes opened up a bit more. His brown hair was swiped straight across his forehead, nearly overlapping his eyebrows. I made a mental note to take him for a trim this weekend before his hair grew long enough to cover his entire face. "Hi, thanks for the lunch," he said as he took a seat at the table.

"You're welcome," I replied, placing both my elbows on the table. "Are you taking the bus today or is Logan's mom picking you up?" I asked.

"The bus," his reply sounded out, mixed in with a yawn.

"When did you go to bed last night?" I raised an eyebrow. Adam usually was tired in the mornings, but never anything this extreme. He looked like he was about to fall asleep at any time.

"Like midnight," he shrugged.

"You're crazy," I shook my head at him and getting up to make him some breakfast. Opening the top cabinet, I grabbed a bowl before filling it with Fruit Loops, Adam's favorite cereal. Ironically enough, my favorite was Lucky Charms, but only because I had an obsession with marshmallows. No other reason. After filling the bowl with milk, I pulled a spoon out for him from the drawer and placed the bowl in front of him.