Honest Illusions [niall horan]

Chapter 17

Aubrey's P.O.V.

Blissful, painful, and pure, love combined every emotion into one intense and powerful feeling. It was the kind of feeling that caused one to crave more and more. At the same time, love consumed a person, creating a sense of boundless adoration towards the other. Nothing about it made sense, but that was the beauty of love. It was illogical. And, maybe, it was for that reason I was still having a hard time comprehending Niall's love for me. Rather than embarking on a trip filled with celebration and joyfulness, my trip quickly transformed into one of complete and utter distress and gloominess. Heavy against my heart, Niall's confession continued to throw stabs of pain at me.

I couldn't even begin to describe the way he looked at me for the rest of the night. Guilt churned around my stomach while I watched him walk back inside the reception. Not only did I shatter and tear his heart bit by bit in one instance, but I ruined one of the best days of his life. One of his best friends had just gotten married, and, moreover, he was the best man. This was supposed to be one of the days the spotlight was on him, not that it normally wasn't. Although Liam's wedding was a different case. Liam picked Niall to be his best man because of his wonderful personality, charisma, and their close friendship. All of Niall's admirable traits were to be shown off yesterday; instead they were buried deep within. It made the situation worse knowing I was the reason for that.

The remainder of the wedding whirled past me. One minute I felt my heart slowly breaking for Niall, and the next my mind was too caught up in a whirl wind to realize I caught Sophia's bouquet. While everyone cheered and whistled for me, I wanted to do nothing but cry. My focus wasn't on Sophia or Liam, or the hundreds of guests clapping for me, or even the heavenly smelling flowers in my hand. Instead, I kept my gaze locked on the same blonde who never seemed to escape my thoughts. Distressed azure eyes stared back at me with so much misery and disappointment. My heart literally ached as I saw how much one sentence affected him. I knew it was so hard for him to process all of this, but the same went for me.

Yes, Niall was the more heartbroken one, but that didn't mean I stood back and enjoyed it. Quite the opposite, actually. I hated every part of this situation, but there wasn't anything I could do. Engaged to Pete, there was no way I could just null my engagement. That would shatter him completely. Pete has done so much for me, and all the love he's given me made me so happy. He stood by my side when everyone else walked out. Pete definitely wasn't Niall, never would be, but that was my life now. We can't always get what we want. Life didn't work that way.

Tucked beneath the many blankets Niall had left me in the guest room, I pushed my head further against the pillows behind my head. Thoughts piled on top of thoughts as I laid there. I hadn't seen Niall since last night when we came back from the wedding. We drove in silence; nothing but the melodious voice of Michael Bublé filling the empty atmosphere. Every once in a while, I would steal a glance at him. While one of his hands tightly gripped the top of the steering wheel, the other stayed glued to the top of the gear shift on his left. So many words remained trapped inside me the entire ride. I desperately wanted to break the silence between us, but I wasn't too sure if Niall felt the same way.

The sound of dishes cluttering together brought me out of tangled mess of blankets. As I unplugged my phone out of its charger, I realized just how long I had been up. After a numerous amount of failed attempts to sleep soundly, I got up and just played around my phone. I caught up on the videos Lauren had sent me of Adam's soccer game a few hours prior. A huge smile spread across my face once I saw he scored the winning goal. I had yet to call them, but I made sure to text them giving them brief updates. As for Pete, I received the usual sweet texts from him only adding to my ever growing stress and confusion.

"It's 'bout time ya woke up," Niall joked as I entered the kitchen. Bare feet padding against the cold kitchen tiles, I took a seat upon the kitchen island. Niall's tone caught me a little by surprise. I didn't understand now the car ride last night was the most awkward experience between us, yet now he was extremely happy. Not that happy Niall bothered me or anything.