After Life

41

One of the biggest things about the exhibit, for the students featured, was the prospect of interacting with prospective employers. Countless media personnel, editors, photographers and the like attended the event, both to view the work, and of sorts, interview possible hires. It wasn't just an exhibition to celebrate graduation. It was a job fair, in reality. You had to be prepared for anything, any question, any offer, any rebuttal. It was the single most stressful night I would endure, while also coupled with the single most exhilarating.

A gentle vibration in my back pocket brought me from my thoughts, back to the reality of the New York air blowing through my hair. Pulling the device from my pocket, I grinned.

"Hey," I answered.

"So, how did it go?" Harrys voice asked smoothly through the line. I could hear an endless chatter in the background, his voice slightly louder than he would normally speak to rise above the fray.

"I think it went well," I sighed, leaning back against the bench. "The main essay question was harder than I expected. I thought I had my answer planned out well enough, but then struggled to keep all my points in order."

"I'm sure you did brilliant, don't worry about it," he assured me, just as he always did.

"You ready for your exam?" I asked, knowing he was about to walk in to his own final exam in mere moments.

"I suppose so. All I have to do is blather some shit about Darcy and Elizabeth and I'll be grand."

"Harry,"

"I'm kidding, love," he laughed, knowing I hated it when he acted so nonchalant about his studies. "I went over the study guide last night until half two, I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

"I'm sure you'll do great," I offered, trying to give him the same encouragement he had been giving me all week.

Despite the tension between us last week, the more we spoke, the more we hung out, slowly things returned to normal. Or, at least, a version of normal. We didn't speak of our heated moment in my living room, nor did we address the remaining sexual tension between us in any form. Harry was still teasing, demonstrative, and occasionally moody when his stress levels rose or if he felt uncomfortable with something. Just as I was quiet, resistant and sassy with him when he got in a bad mood. For the most part, things were back as they were.

Except for me. Regardless of how normal I tried to act with him, I knew there was no going back for me now. Before, I was in a happy little oblivion, clueless as to the appeals and prowess of Harry Styles. Now, I couldn't pretend that I didn't know the taste of his lips, or the skills of his tongue. I couldn't pretend that I didn't lay in bed at night thinking of the feeling of his hands on my skin, his breath in my ear, and the feel of his hips grinding against mine.

It was a self imposed torture, but one I had no escape from. Because the only escape was to either tell Harry the truth, that I was falling for him, or to walk away from him completely. And the reality would be, in both cases, me losing him completely.

This current, albeit not ideal, arrangement was the only one I could maintain that left me with some part of what I wanted. I wanted him, as a friend if nothing more.

"Babe, they're letting us in now," Harry said, the chatter around him rising in volume. "I will call you when I'm out, okay?"

"Okay. Good luck,"

"Thanks. Talk to you soon,"

Hanging up my phone, I laid it in my folded hands, taking a few more moments to sit on this bench, on campus, as a college student. Because for some reason, I felt that the moment I walked away from this block, it was officially over. Heading home today would mark my first steps into my unknown future, so taking a few more moments to sit on this nice bench, on this peaceful street, completely ignored by the passers by, was my little form of solace.

I sat for a long while. Much longer than I planned. But I enjoyed the quiet, as I watched other students come and go from the building, many chattering about the exams they had just taken, marks they had received, or final papers they had submitted. This was the official final day of exams, so for all seniors, this was it.

Some hugged, laughing and congratulating each other coming out of the arts building. Others seemed anxious and stressed, undoubtedly reviewing the exam questions in their heads, wondering if they had selected the right answers. Most seemed relieved, a gentle smile on their faces as they simply walked from the building, turning down the street and out of view.

It seemed so easy for some, to just go. To finish their exams, and walk on with life. All the while, I still sat on this bench. Excited, but apprehensions. It was as if a part of me couldn't shake the feeling that even though I had just completed a huge step in my life, another one was just around one of these corners. The beginning of another uphill climb. The beginning of another beginning, right at the end of an ending.

My phone vibrated again in my hands, and as I glanced down I was surprised to see Harrys name. Looking at the time, I realized I had been sitting here for over two hours.

"Hey," I said quickly, pushing up from the bench and slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"My God, my hand is like a fucking claw," he complained. "I look like something from an Alfred Hitchcock movie,"

I laughed, shaking my head. "Exaggerate much?"

"No freaking sympathy," he muttered. "Where are you?"

"Um, still outside the arts building."

"Still?" he gawked. "Lane, its been over two hours, why are you still there?"

"Just sitting here, I guess," I admitted, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Contemplating life, are we?"

I snorted, rolling my eyes, before realizing he was exactly right. "Sort of,"

"Well, I'm starving, and could use a nice hand and arm massage. Want to grab an early dinner?"

"Sure," I agreed, pushing my hair behind my ear. "But I am not giving you a massage,"

My refusal caused Harry to laugh, a sound that brought a smile to my face. "That's my girl," he teased. "I'll meet you outside the arts building in ten."