Sober to death

Chapter 12

So Hyunjin is actually that best friend?"

"Yes."

"Hmm."

"Had he be coming here for a long time? Is there something wrong?"

"As far as I know, you are not his safe contact, I'm afraid I cannot tell you such information about my patient."

"I need to know he's my best friend. "

"But the reason why you actually want to know these things about him isn't about your friendship Jisung, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"What are you so scared of?"

"I'm afraid he likes the same person I do... he always has his attention, everyone's but especially his-"

"No. No, you are not going down this path. Love, friendship, relationships, they are not built, consisted by attention Jisung."

"I-"

"I can get in legal trouble but, I can assure you Hyunjin would love to just go under the radar, if all of the attention was on you he would be delighted because all he wants is to hide in plain sight."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. But... maybe him and the person you like... what if they're not actually romantic? Life happens and when people stick together during tough times they can become inseparable, that doesn't mean necessarily that they are in love."

.

"You know Sungie likes you right?"

"Of course I do."

"And?"

"What?"

"What are you going to do about that you baby?"

"I don't know..."

"Hey, you are both my best friends, you like him, he likes you, let me be the-"

"Do you have names for our future kids too?"

"Oh my God, yes! I've been waiting for this! Well, if it's a girl-"

"Shut up!"

"Look, if you don't tell him I'll do."

"I just... he has so much on his plate-"

"You telling him you like him won't make him worse, quiet the opposite, you'll just give him another reason to live hyung. Please, do it before it's too late, you never know."

.

The days passed and Hyunjin felt calmer than ever.

He ate well, he slept well, he laughed a lot.

Now in the way back to the dorms everything felt like it has been crashed.

He felt fear. He hadn’t seen himself in a mirror for almost a week.

His eyes found his right wrist.
His gaze stuck there for hours.
He almost felt the blood tickling.

He wanted to this so bad.

His arm was itching and hurting, asking for another scar to be added among the others.

His mind was begging for him to dig up on his skin so that there would be a soft, flowing red cascade of blood right on that spot hisbeyes couldn't ignore.

He needed to see the blood.
He needed to feel the pain.
He needed to try harder.
He needed-

"Hyun? We're here."

"Oh, yeah. I zoned out."

"Are you okay? Are you ready?"

"No... no I'm not."

"Okay, that's okay. We can just stay in here till you feel good enough to go there."

"No, no it's fine let's just go. We have a meeting too."

.

To say that Hyunjin regretted that meeting hevwas so eager to attend, was an understatement.

Not only was he ignored by Chan and Jisung, he was also informed about his non-existent participation in the choreography for their next comeback and from Minho's look, he knew.

Was this a way to tell him he needed to dance more? To practice more? To be better?
The moment Chan declared the meeting was over, he let his mind guide him to do what he'd been craving.

.

"What was that?"
"What?"

"That! You got him out of our team?"

"Yes... Minho agreed too. He is an exceptional dancer you and I both know it but... his health I'm sure you're aware-"

"Of course I am. I am not an idiot but cutting him off just like that Chan, that is a big no no."

"Why Felix? I'm just-"

"But you're not helping him! You decided you needed to have some sort of control about the amount of his exercise I get that but we could have found another solution. Did you see the way he looked at you? You teared apart his whole world."

"No. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Chan. You may be angry with him and jealous because of his vocation with Minho but if you really do love him you are going to go back there and talk to him. You have to explain to him the reason behind your actions and if he disagrees we can figure something else out. But please, please don't let him thinking he's going to get kicked out or that he's not good enough."

"Do you think... this is what he thought?"

"Oh, I don't think, I know."

Was it maybe already too late?