Her Inked Scars

the test

I can't imagine how much stress she's going through because of me. It was the first time she's had sex with anyone in years and I screwed everything up.

"Celeste..." Nyoka whimpers into my chest. "Could you look at the test first?"

"Of course. Whatever you want and whatever will make you feel better, Nyoka."

She mutters a thank you before leaning away from me so I can go and check the test for her. I know Nyoka's the one that'll have the most trouble if it's positive but my own heart is beating so hard inside my chest that it's starting hurt.

I take a deep breath before looking at the result, my heart instantly skipping a beat. I carefully pick it up and take it to the living room, Nyoka's eyes instantly looking more panicked as she sees me standing in the doorway.

POV: Nyoka

No... No, no, no... please don't be positive. Please don't be positive.

I love Celeste and if I do end up becoming pregnant because of her I will love the baby still and I'll still love Celeste, but I don't want to have a child right now.

As much as I've wanted to forget, I had two abortions because of my last boyfriend and I can't go through that all again. It was horrible and probably more stressful than just having the child. I don't regret either of them, but I just couldn't handle it all over again, especially so soon into our relationship.

Seeing Celeste in the doorway after seeing the test, her face looking pale, only makes my heart sink.

"It's negative..."

"What?" I say, instantly locking eyes with her, my mind for some reason refusing to believe her.

"It's negative," Celeste repeats, a small smile of relief crossing her lips.

As I still refuse to believe her, not wanting to get my hopes up, Celeste steps closer, crouching in front of me and showing the test to me so that I can see the negative result with my own eyes. The instant I see it, relief washes over me alongside tears.

Celeste, placing the pregnancy test down on the small side table, sits beside me, her arms holding me tight as I wrap my arms around her. I'm so fucking relieved.

Financially I could support a child with no problems, especially if Celeste helped, but I know my body and mind wouldn't be able to take the toll of it just yet. I still need some more years of healing before that can happen.

"Your so fucking lucky," I stammer between tears, wiping the salty wet streaks on my cheeks away.

"What do you mean?" Celeste says with a slightly nervous chuckle. Her arms tighten around me as she gets nervous.

"If it had been positive, I would have murdered you," I chuckle, the playfulness in my voice not really coming through. "I would have murdered you and buried your body in the woods."

"I thought you said you'd still love me either way," Celeste responds, playing along with me.

I tiredly chuckle, all my body getting tired from being so stressed. My stomach loudly grumbles as I snuggle with Celeste making me realise we never ended up having the dinner Celeste planned to make me.

"Are you in the mood for food now?" Celeste carefully asks, her hands rubbing up and down my waist.

I nod, slipping off her lap to allow her to get up and go to the kitchen. I'm still a little upset with her and still want some space to calm down by myself so I leave her to cook by herself, loving the delicious smell that begins to fill my apartment, lifting my mood a bit quicker.

Celeste comes back a few minutes later with two plates of food, sitting on the floor with me as we eat in silence. We flick on the TV but don't pay much attention to it as I can tell we are both wanting to talk more about this.

Once we've finished dinner, Celeste takes our plates and cleans everything up without a speck of complaint. I know I made her feel horrible with how I yelled at her but I was just so frustrated in the moment I didn't even think about it.

Once Celeste returns, I make her sit beside me, instantly seeing her eyes fill with a bit of panic. I take a moment before leaning in and giving her a gentle kiss on her lips, running my hand over her cheek and into her hair.

"Celeste," I mumble and she hums back to show me she's listening. "Are you okay?"

She looks into my eyes, clearly confused as to why I'm asking her. After all, I'm the one who went through the most stress with this pregnancy scare but I did yell at her. She's lucky I didn't start yelling curses at her. I held my tongue back a little to stop me from doing that and escalating an already difficult situation.

"I'm only asking because you did seem quite upset after I yelled at you and you must have been quite stressed as well."

"There's no need to worry about me," Celeste insists, pulling me in closer to press our foreheads together, her warm hand caressing my cheek. "I can handle you yelling at me a bit. It did hurt a little but I understand why you yelled at me."

Her voice cracks a little and I can tell I definitely upset her but she's refusing to tell me. I whimper a little at her terrible lie but she instantly shuts me up with a small kiss on my lips.

"Nyoka, I'm alright. Really, I am," she insists. "Do you want me to stay the night or do you want to be alone tonight?"

"I think tonight I just want to be alone. Besides, you need to go home so you can wear some clothes other than mine."

Celeste agrees and we cuddle for a little longer before she decides to leave as I start yawning more. Before she can get up to leave, I tug her back down, really needing to get something off my chest.

"Celeste, I'm sorry I blamed you for all this. I know it's partly my fault too and there's no excuse for me yelling at you and blaming you for it all. I'm so sorry," I whimper through the tears building as I hang my head in shame.

I shouldn't have yelled. I shouldn't have blamed her. We should've just calmly talked about it rather than entering an argument over it.

"Thank you for apologising, Nyoka. I really appreciate it. You did make me feel horrible with your yelling. I don't like seeing you so upset, especially because of me."

"But it's my fault too," I mutter. "Can we just...brush this all aside for now? I don't want this to ruin everything that just started."

"Me neither. Do you still want me to go home tonight?"

I nod.

"Alright. I'll call you in the morning to check on you. I love you, princess."

"I love you too. And again, I'm so so sorry."

She kisses me on my forehead as she stands up, gasping a little as I drag her back down to hug her for a while, searching for comfort and a way to apologise, though I can't come up with anything other than I'm sorry.

Eventually, I let her leave, telling her I'll be taking a few more pregnancy tests over the next few weeks just to be sure. She agrees to the idea and kisses me before leaving. I watch her car go from my window before deciding to go to bed despite it being quite early.

My anxiety is still a little high but I can still sleep, if with a little bit of struggle.

I love Celeste but I am glad she didn't get me pregnant. Now we have the time to enjoy and savor each other as girlfriends.

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I know that it takes a while for results to show, but I can't be bothered with accuracy. Just let it be for now, alright?