Wrong To Be His Alpha || Tk 𐤀

🔻 CHAPTER 17 🔻

             ☞ Shall not be saved ☜⁠ 

Jungkook's pov

Utmost confusion, unclear mind, clouded vision and frail conscience. These are what he feels right at the moment. Just yesterday he lived and the one whom he considered as his sole responsibility is gone. The shallow breaths leave his lungs after fighting with the unwillingness to live. The heart beats with no permission defying his solemn wish of demise.

Everything is complicated, everything is messed up. He has reached the extreme edge of his sins, the limit to how much worthless he could get is crossed, he is unwanted, undesired. He knows it. The moonlight slowly peeps through the spaces between the ochre curtains. The full moon glows and shines like a newly polished diamond, calm and cool.

The ethereal cooling source of light falls on the one sleeping on the bed, unmoving. The omega sleeps so peacefully.

As if no worries will ever bother him, make him anxious or scared, he roams in his wonderland of dreams. These are the thoughts that had traipsed over the dominant alpha's head after seeing his mate calmly lying on the couch.

His heart had started to reassure him of his last trial of making things better, to progress smoothly, untill his eyes betrayed his trust. His mind wishes to unseen the little plastic container of sleeping pills, that was full yesterday, now carelessly suspended on the center table, empty.

He doesn't know if it is due to the shock or sudden attack of the so called feeling of loss, his body begins to go numb, powerless, his knees weaken down and force his tired frame to collapse on the ground, How he wishes his heart to stop, how he hopes for anything to permanently blind him so that his consciousness can never be forced to face the harsh and crude truth of the moment. He wants to believe that all the negative things that just flashed in his mind are bloody fake, illusions due to lack of rest and undetectable lies.

He doesn't desire the truth. He wants to be torturously tied by the chains of lies that are already deeply tangled in his life. The other is fine, he is just sleeping! Just sleeping!

No one counts the ticking second arm, no one notices the hours that move by. The time sizzles up with every passing moment, the nature changes following the norm of regulations, but the clock works in vain, the lone and hollow pair of eyes never want to appreciate or encourage his hard work. In a desperate attempt to attract the attention of the distracted pair of eyes to itself the clock takes an effective step.

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.
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The alarm of 6AM rings through the whole house, that was deadly silent till the moment the alarm rang. The mind diverts, but the eyes don't. Still shaking internally the weak alpha proceeds to touch the now sleeping one.

His inner self faces the turmoil while the tranquility collides with the mere existence of mind.

Like the heavy clouds which collide discourteously and alarmingly for thunderous rain and storm, this very collision leads to tears. The truth becomes revealed. No pulse, no breathes, no heart beats can be senses in even a deep contact of skin to skin.

His mind still denies the present, like a wind it wanders off to everywhere but the truth. He remembers the happy times, the laughs, the joyful memories, the appearances of light in life and also the aftermath. The reality then strikes hard, his heart, while slowly fighting against the pain of one loss is forcefully made to encounter the second one.

He has no tears to cry, no remorse to show, no pity to feel or accept. He is a failure.

Thinking back to his miserable life and pitiful self, he had fallen in love, once before. The one he fell for was surely and undoubtedly the only existent personification of an angel. He had fallen for the light of love too deeply into the pit, so much that the light was no more to be seen from the other side.(this is about tae)

His love, as the angel of his life might think, never ceased, it was buried in darkness. He still continued to dig the life in darkness, until he found another sensation. A second (this is about Yeon) feeling which made his heart swell with love. A second source of illumination that repelled the darkness away.

In the end the true source of light that he craved for was idiotically forgotten by him. He just seeks out to the second one, with passing time he felt closer and closer to the second light that the first one kept drifting away. But his eyes could care less.

Ultimately he understood that he had substituted the real one while his substitute was given the throne of reality. His mind had, several times, cursed him out loud, his mirror had started to despise him. He had started to hate himself.

But, no matter how much he wanted to break every chain away, his sense of responsibility never allowed him to do so. It was him who dragged the omega in the mess, made a villain figure out of him and his responsibility towards the other thus, never decreased.

The other had no one after all. If he was to go away the other would die alone. But he didn't think it the other way round. If the other was to go, his life and love might serve a chance. Maybe this very step was based on that sole thought. His mind wavered to reality.

Neither was he able to hold his love nor was he successful in keeping his promise of making the other happy. He couldn't fulfil his responsibility, it all ended with a death. It ended with loss, shame, pain and sadness.

Ziiyi was the one to know it at the very begining. His phone had that very name in the call logs, in the first row. The message was short, vague, but that was all his voice could steadily utter at that moment.

Yeon is taken away to his new destination. The graveyard of the Jeon family. Jungkook is blamed by his parents, a lot of tears are shed, accusations made, funeral completed.

Sitting on the couch, lonely in the house, he remembers what he said the night before, and why.

He declared he loved the other. He doesn't know why his gut feeling told him to do so. He though it was a good way to make the other happy, or maybe he felt he needed to say that.

But he never thought the other to know the truth. The truth that the feeling of love had long been abandoned. The truth probably hit the other so hard, it lead to the situation the present endures.

A loud laughter echoes inside the empty house in the darkness. The walls go through a harsh course of noise tolerance.

Jungkook: "I am worthless! Unworthy! Useless! Heartbreaker! Torturer!"A long breathe comes next.

Jungkook: "I am finished."

The next comes whispers, meek, subtle, strained and tired.

His voice can no longer hold the agony. He cannot be saved. He shall not be saved.

And He knows it.....

Tell me how you felt guys!! What are you now feel for Jungkook's character?