Made for you

Chapter 44

After I finished vomiting my guts out I stayed in the toilet for another 20 minutes in silence.

I couldn't hear their voices, but I knew they were still downstairs.

I brushed my teeth twice before leaving the toilet.

I went on my knees and I laid my head on the bed.

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihirajiun.

He won't believe me, how can he believe me when he had seen it, why didn't I move away faster? Why did my body fail me?

I was confused, I was shocked, I didn't realize what was happening, my mind and my body didn't cooperate and i was slow with my movements.

Why did Ya Khalifa do this to me??

Why would he do this to me?

Despite vomiting everything I've eaten today I still felt like I needed to again. I felt sick.

I felt so so sick.

Everyone who knows me know I cry during any little inconvenience, so the fact that I was too frustrated and perplexed to cry said a lot.

What do I do? Who do I ask for advice??

I usually ask my mother and my sister for advice, but there's no way I could tell my mother this.

How do I explain that I let my husband's brother who I knew has feelings for me into the house in the middle of the night because he wanted to talk to me, he ends up kissing me and my husband walks in, how do I explain this without looking at fault?

What do I do?

Oh ni Manal, na shiga uku.

I carried my phone and I dialed my sister's number, that girl sleeps very early but I didn't care at that moment.

She didn't pick up the first time I called, or the second.

She answered on the third call.

"Manal? Lafiya? Meh ya faru?" Ummi's sleepy voice came through.

That was the final string, the waterworks came and I couldn't even speak.

I cried for two minutes straight ignoring her alarmed voice.

"Manal stop, Dan Allah stop, I'll go call mama. You're scaring me" she said

"No! Do-don't call her, I want to speak to you" I said through the tears.

"Toh tell me, meh ne ne? meh ya faru?" She asked

"Ummi na shiga uku, Wallahi na shiga uku" I said.

Through my tears I explained everything to her.

"Innalillahi! What! He did what?! Keh ma Manal why would you let him in dan Allah" she said.

I hiccuped "I-..he said he would make peace with his brother-.Wallahi that was the only reason I let him come in, I wanted any issue they had to end because I felt like it was all my fault, Ummi shikenan Wallahi, he won't believe me"

"Manal, I might not know too much about marriage but I feel like you shouldn't let this matter dwell more than it already has, yana hawowa sama go to him and explain yourself to him! You're not guilty so stop acting like you are"

"I'm not guilty" I said to myself

"You're not" she said

"I'm not guilty" I repeated.

Then why does it feel like I am?????

"Tell him the truth, he should believe you, he might not have known you for long enough but I believe he should know the kind of person you are by now, this doesn't sound like something you'll do koh ah mafarki"