Bini: In Parallel Universe

XVI: Locksmith

Jhoanna's POV

It's been a year, but the pain I felt the day she died is still with me.

"What do you miss about Colet Vergara?"

The host asked me a question that seemed so simple yet hard to answer. The PPOP community is creating a documentary about Colet's life and her ppop career. It's for her first death anniversary.

I was initially hesitant to join because I couldn't imagine doing this, but it's for her; I would do anything for her.

"Well, Colet..." I couldn't get myself to talk.
My throat felt like it was tightening as I tried to open my mouth. I felt my knees weaken. I think I was wrong.

I can do anything for her but this. Because this means I am accepting she's gone. I never revisited our memories after Colet passed away, and I never gave the latter a lot of thought. It's as though I never realized Colet had left. I couldn't get past the point where I was dismissing everything. I didn't show up for the burial; I never even went to her grave. I stopped singing and dancing. I consistently says that I won't return unless Colet is singing and dancing with me, which pretty much means never since Colet won't ever come back.

People around me can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. They never saw me smile again after the unwanted event happened. I essentially let go of everything that had anything to do with her.

They lost Colet, as well as I lost her.

"Si Colet..."

The camera had been rolling for a good fourteen minutes, yet the only shot of me they got was of me uttering Colet's name and staring at the camera. They are wasting their time, but they can't push me to talk, not when it's about Colet.

"Jho, take your time." The host assured me that I had all the time I wanted; a little lie for a person that has so much misery in her life.

"No! I can't do this." I stormed out. I tried. I tried sitting there and doing nothing but talking about Colet, but I failed. It's not easy. It will never be easy to talk about someone you love when you know she's not with you anymore.

The documentary team decided to postpone my shoot. It's a waste of time and resources, but they know they wouldn't get anything from me, especially in this state.

"Jho, please, gawin mo 'to for Colet," Sheena begged over the phone. She was notified that I had left the studio without anything to contribute to the project.

"Shee, ayoko. Hindi ko kaya." I replied coldly.

"Ate Jhoanna, sige na." Sheena didn't stop bugging me. Luckily for her, I eventually gave in.

"Come with me tomorrow. I can't do this by myself, Shee," I said with a shaky voice.

"Oo, I'll be with you, ate."

——

"Let's do this one more time, Jho, okay?"

"And we hope this will be the last."

"What do you love about Colet Vergara?"

They changed the question because they realized the first one was too sad, at least for me. They wanted me this time to reminisce about the things I and probably the world, loved about Colet.

They made this documentary as a recollection of Colet's life. They want Colet to be remembered as someone loved and respected not only by her peers and family but the whole community and country.

"Colet was weird. It's not an endearing quality, but for me it is. She once believed that the garbage bag contained something scary. What a strange way to think, diba? Ako, when I see a garbage bag, I automatically assume that it contains trash, but not for her."