Bini: In Parallel Universe

II. Waiting for a Sign

Sheena's POV

As I sit here at the balcony of my room, I waited for a shooting star. Colet, my older sister is with me.

"Lord please, if ever there's a shooting star, I will confess my love to my best friend." I silently prayed.

I am 15 years old, currently in 9th grade. People would say I am too young to fall in love. They say that I don't know anything about love. They were wrong, because 3 months ago, I fell in love, and I knew what it meant to be in love with Gwyneth Apuli.

We met at youth camp, I, from San Sebastian College, and her from Arellano University. We were roommates, partners, bestfriends, confidante in that short 1 week stay at the camp. We shared everything - all our secrets, hopes, our dreams, and even our fears. Being around her was like breathing air, I craved her.
Holding her hand made me feel whole. For the first time in my young life, I understood what love is.

Realizing that you're in love with your bestfriend is already scary, but add to it the fact that you are both girls brings it to disastrous levels. There can be no way that 2 girls can fall in love, people would say. It just can't be, it will never happen. So, for days and nights, I struggled with the guilt of being in love with her.

But when I transferred school just to be with her, my feelings grew stronger. This is something deeper and way meaningful.

"Look! A shooting star! Come on, let's make a wish!" Colet exclaimed and pointed to a falling star right in front of our eyes.

I closed my eyes and silently wished that my feelings for Gwen will be reciprocated. This is the time.

But as I was about to call her, I saw her name popped up on my screen. She's calling!

"Hello?" I asked, nervous.

"Shee! Omyghad! Aiah and I are finally together. Can you believe it?" Gwen said over the phone, hint of happiness is being heard from her voice.

"O-oh, great! I'm happy for you, bebe." I told her and hanged up the phone call.

I cried and cried until I can't cry anymore. Fuck! I just want to get this off my chest, why am I late?

———————

Gwen and I are reviewing here in our favorite cafe. Hell week is near and we're on our last year of College.

"Lord, if I'll see a red car, I will confess my feelings even if she'll reject me." my mind's trying to communicate with the omnipotent being up there.

Gwen and Aiah's still together. I don't have any intention to ruin them. I just wanna tell her what I've been trying to hide since we were in high school.

As I looked up, I saw a red vios parked in front of the cafe. Maybe this is the right time. Maybe this is the sign I've been waiting for.

But before I can utter a word, I saw Aiah who went out from the driver's seat of the red vios.

"Gwen, Aiah's here." I pointed Aiah. Gwen giggled and I saw her blush. For Aiah.

I wish I can make her giggle too. I wish I can make her blush too.

"Alright, I have to go. See you later love birds!" I said good bye to them and once I step on the door, a tear dropped from my eye.

—————

I'm rushing on my way to Gwen's condo. She said she has something to tell me. I'm kinda nervous, though. It feels like I will know something today that will crumble down my world.

Once I reached her condo unit, I messaged her to open the door for me.

"Hi, bebe! Come in!" she said, I went inside and put down the foods I bought for the two of us. She invited me to watch a movie too!

"Lord, if she'll chose to watch a horror movie, I'll confess." I prayed silently again.

She's scrolling down to her smart tv when she turned to me and said, "let's watch Insidious!" she clapped her hands like a child who won a candy.

"But before that, I have something to tell you." she said.

"Really? I have something to tell you too." I smiled even though I'm so fucking nervous deep inside. "But I'll let you tell yours first." I added.

Gwen let out a heavy sighed and smiled warmly at me. She then, hugged me and whispered the words that broke my heart into pieces. "Aiah and I are engaged. I'm getting married, bebe!"

Once I ran away from Gwen's condo, I booked a flight to Pagadian.

If stars would align once more, I probably wouldn't take it as a sign for love. I'll stop my tracks before I reach the destination for a new heartbreak. I'll just stand by a lamppost and take the first bus that comes, let it bring me to a place l've never been before.

I'll travel over mountaintops nobody's eyes have ever laid upon, deep waters nobody has ever swam about, through galaxies, new moons and undiscovered stars. And perhaps, in that unfamiliar town heartbreaks don't exist, pain won't catch up because I'll never tell anyone of my whereabouts.

Who knew exhaustion can reach another level of tiring?

You can only take so much of yourself before there's nothing left. And sometimes we love and get lost, and we try our best to find ourselves but never succeed.

You ask your questions over and over until they stop making sense.

When did I stop being enough? How dare I believe you when you said you cared? You came with all your baggage and left me carrying it all. You used to tell me stories of your childhood, now you tell them to someone else. You gave my life meaning then take them all away. How dare I think that you'll always need me, ask for me and want only me?

How dare I become so stupid for you?