Definition of Black Suit

Chapter Fourteen

Sebastian

I watched as blood ran down from my hands into the drain while I stood in the shower. I had gone more ballistic on those bastards than I had intended, but once the demons were unleashed, I couldn't control them. It had only been hours, and I had already forgotten their names and faces, feeling no remorse. I couldn't remember when I had stopped caring or when taking a life had become so easy for me. Perhaps it was around the time I started forgetting many things, when I began to forget why and for whom I fought and endured that life. But tonight, that weight felt heavier than ever.

After the conversation with Sophia, memories I had buried deep within the darkest pit of my soul resurfaced. The worst part was that, after hours of searching for any joyful moments in my past, I came up empty-handed. In all those years, any brief moment of happiness I'd experienced had been swiftly followed by days, weeks, or months of pain and tragedy.

Perhaps I had become so numb because I had seen and done so much, or maybe it was because I often found myself not caring whether I lived to see another sunrise. But for Sophia, I would keep trying, keep fighting, keep breathing. I would do anything for her, just a little while longer, until she was old enough and I could ensure she would be alright.

Lost in my thoughts, I let my guard down in the safety of my home and didn't notice her until Katherina's hand slid down my back from behind, making me jump. "I'll guess the conversation with Sophia didn't go well, judging by the amount of blood on you," she said, her chin resting on my shoulder as our bodies drew closer.

"It went as well as it could," I sighed heavily, my head hanging low as I watched the water turn from red to sunset pink. "But did you know she has a boyfriend now?"

Katherina softly chuckled, setting a tray of soft kisses from my shoulder down my back. But I felt too tired, too numb to care, and when I didn't respond, she spoke again. "Is that why you're so bloody? You knew this would happen eventually."

My only response was a growl, so she continued, stepping around me, her naked, dreamy-shaped body before me. "I know she's your little girl, Sebastian, but she will grow, and you will have to let go."

"I know," I mumbled, my hands resting on her hips when she reached for a kiss. Yet, I still felt nothing. It had been a while since I had reached this level of emptiness, and when Katherina pulled back enough to see my face, she saw it too.

The shallowness I had become over the years was evident. "It's obviously not only Sophia's boyfriend that is bothering you. What's up?"

I shook my head, "I don't want to talk."

For all the years I had known Katherina, from the day our relationship had solidified, she was the one person I knew who would always understand what I had been through. Sam and Tom came close, and although they had witnessed more moments when I wanted to give up, Katherina was always the one who lifted me back up. In a way, she had a similar upbringing, even if the methods she had been exposed to were not as physical as mine. We had both been raised with the principle of becoming ruthless little soldiers.

However, tonight, I couldn't find the right words. I couldn't muster the will to talk at all. Seeing my struggle, Katherina stepped back, grabbed the rack and the shower gel, and began cleaning my smudged skin. She didn't comment on how hard I must have gone on someone, given the slit wounds on my knuckles, when my hands were so used to violence.

She still said nothing when she turned off the shower, dried my body, and then took my hand with her slim fingers, leading me back into the bedroom. She lifted the bed sheets. "I won't be able to sleep," I reminded her, noticing the time was only a little past midnight.