Class Of 96': 1994 (BxB Mystery)

Chapter XXIII - "Dating advice?"

I got home just past eight after me and Ollie ate at a fastfood restaurant.
"Aaarrrrggghhh!!!" I throw my bag on the floor and jump around in frustration. "Uggghhh!!! What were you thinking?!? That was horrible!!!"
To sum everything up, I basically somehow convinced myself he was flirting with me. He was! But at the end, he really had to say "I hope we can stay friends forever."
Why would I mix friendship with love?!?
"This is so stupid!" I yell, hitting the cove of my bed. "He is not inlove with me! Ollie is not inlove with me!!! Aaaggghhh!!!"
I was so delusional, I actually thought we had something. Why would Molly even say that he took a liking to me if his liking is platonic?!?
"Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!" I jump into my bed and sink my face into a pillow, muffling my screams. "This is so—"
"Matahimik ka na!!!" Shut up!!! My mom shouts from across the house, rattling my room.
I screach into my pillow as my legs kick up and down. This is horrible!
I have no one to share this to!
. . . 
Wait.
I painfully hesitate before grabbing my telephone. I dial in her number yet I'm pretty sure she would kill me. But I'm already dead! I pray to God that she doesn't hang up the phone and leave me hopeless.
Pandora Làdron picks up.
'What's up?'
Better now or never. " . . .  Hello."
She pauses. 'Steph?'
"Okay, okay. Pandora please just hear me out." I blurt. I. Panic. Is this the level of desperate I am? "I need help."
'Fuck you, man.' And with that, she's ready to hang up on me.
"Wait! Wait, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for blaming you. Just please don't hang up! I really need your help right now!"
Pandora holds the line in skepticism. ' . . . God, you're really pathetic. You really can't keep enemies, can you? What do you want?'
" . . . " I sigh in relief that she's actually going to listen to me. She's the only person who could understand. "Dating advice?"
'Dating advice?'
"I sorta . . . have a crush on someone."
I felt her Cheshire smile seeping from the other line. She's a sucker for topics like this. She may not forgive me, but she's willing to talk. 'I'll tell you my scrumptious dating advice if you tell me who your crush is.'
I froze. I can't tell her I'm inlove with a boy! I stammer on my words. "Uhm . . . I-I don't think I can tell you . . ."
'Then I can't tell you my dating advice. And for your information, my dating advice is so good. So good. Super good."
"Pandora . . . "
'Do you want me to be honest with you?'
"Uhm—"
'I think you are so embarrassed to tell me because she's ugly.'
I sigh. What did I expect? Ask her for dating advice without telling her who I want to date?
"There is no she. I have . . ." I clear my throat as the lump of fear makes it hard to spit out the truth. I've never confessed my love for Ollie to anybody. Pandora will be the first. And hopefully the last. " . . .  I like Ollie Blossom."
She stays silent, questioning what I've just admitted. ' Ollie . . . Blossom? Your best friend?"
I cringed at the thought of it. Back when me and Pandora were still a thing, I was already friends with Ollie. She's probably thinking that this whole time, I liked him. Which I did. I just never accepted it until . . . now. "Yes, Pandora. I think I'm gay."
'YOU THINK?!?' I recoil and wince as she breaks the sound barrier. 'YOU'RE GAY! THAT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE SO AM I!!!'
She's also queer? So that means she would understand me . . .  right?
She falls down a hole of uncontrollable laughter as I sit on my bed, stressed. Yet I feel safer around her now. We both have something inside us that makes society lurch in homophobia. But that doesn't matter. We have each other.
I press the phone harder against my cheek. "But I don't think I'm gay-gay. I think I still like girls. It's confusing."
'You're bi!' She catches her breath and calms down, cracking a wheeze. 'Imagine, our relationship was that bad we both turned gay.'
"Wait. So, uhm, I'm bisexual?"
'You like boys and girls. That means you're bisexual.'
"Oh."
'You listened to David Bowie too much.'
"He's bisexual, right . . . ?"
'Yeah. He fucked Mick Jagger.'
"Stop it!" I yell, clearly shocked. "We're on my family hotline!"
Pandora chuckles. 'Okay, whatever. But the biggest question is not Are you gay, it's Is he gay.'
"Ollie?"
'I mean, if he's not gay but you are, things aren't gonna end well. How will you guys even date if he isn't into dudes?'
That was always my biggest fear. Me confessing but ending up ruining our friendship. "I'm not sure. He always leads me in, though."
'Elaborate.'
"Heart eyes, holding my hand, giving me a burner phone so our calls wouldn't be listened on, and being comfy while one inch from my face."
'Oooh!' She giggles, turned red from the other side. 'Not the burner phone! Holy shit, Steph! I thinks he's fucking fallen aswell!'
I sigh in defeat. "But what if he hasn't? I asked Molly about this and she said he's just a flirty guy in general. She even said he might be homophobic."
She squeals a sudden laugh. 'Ollie Blossom wears skinny jeans on a casual day, likes Oscar Wilde, holds out his pinky while carrying his water bottle, dances like a fucking white woman, and reads Frankenstein for fun. And your telling me he's homophobic? Right.'
"Frankenstien isn't gay."
'Yes it is. Have you read it?'
"I watched the movie. Dropped it in the first twenty minutes."
She snorts a laugh. 'Okay look, Victor Frankenstein literally would not stop talking about how handsome his bestfriend is, Henry.' She blows a raspberry, a sign she was preparing to recite a whole essay. 'Okay, think of it this way. You're Victor and Ollie's Henry. Victor can't stop talking about his bestfriend saying depressing things like He'll never like me back!' Her tone is mocking me. Of coarse she's mocking me! 'But when Henrys with Victor, Victor's depression is suddenly gone and, like, Henry treats him like a boyfriend. That's you and Ollie's situation.'
I take a moment to process everything she just said. I have seriously no agreement that these characters are gay but to be honest? That was the most precise explanation for our relationship. "Wow, I didn't know you liked those kind of books."
'A lot has changed since we broke up.'
That . . . hit me like a truck.
I awkwardly change the topic, an act of guilt. "Well . . . what happens in the end? Do they get together?"
She scoffs. 'Oh God, no. That was written in, like, the eighteenth century. Plus, they don't get a happy ending. Henry gets murdered and Victor gets blamed.'
" . . . " I ponder how much literature could be so precise. I wonder if Ollie thinks the same way with us. "Pandora . . . I love him. Whenever I see him, I feel like exploding! I can't take it! I might lose my mind over him!!!"
'How cute. My advice is get close but not too close.'
"He told me he wanted to be closer with me."
'Perfecto. Take that chance to disguise flirting as something normal. Fix his tie and shit, I don't fucking know. But don't over exceed. Do not kiss him as a confession. Once your ready, and sure he's a hundred percent into you, go for it.'
Go for it.
But Pandora asks me one last question. 'So how are you feeling, knowing society will never accept you?'
Oh.
A hollow, empty shot of hurt hit my heart. All this talk made me forget society. I stay still, sitting on my bed, alone, loneliness creeping in.
"Can I . . . Can I be honest with you?"
'Go on.'
I take a deep breath, lowering my voice to a soft, weak whisper. "I'm not sure how I feel. I just think . . . I'll fall behind."
She lets a few seconds pass.
'Are you scared?'
. . .
" . . . I'm just new to all this."