All The Stars In The Sky And I Choose You

Sixth Year Dramatics

“It doesn't matter. You can't change the past.” I said while swiftly escaping the horror of that stupid cupboard.

I walked towards the dungeons in an even worse mood somehow and a sickening feeling in the depths of me just knowing I was the second choice in every scenario in my life and this just proved it more. Why couldn't I ever be first for once and maybe, just maybe, the world wants to play some fucked up game of being last till my last breath?

~
September 2nd 1977

     The next day I woke up feeling a little less tired, but decided to not go to breakfast since I didn't feel hungry, so I opted to get some reading done. I made my way to the Library after getting dressed in a white shirt with my green and silver tie around the collar along with a pair of black trousers and black Doc Martens Sirius got me a few years ago. I walked over to my favorite table in the back corner of the library with a window not too far away.

I sat down with my book in hand, 'Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen,' that Andy 'Andromeda' got me for my birthday the following year. I didn't even realize how long I had been reading until someone came up and sat in the seat next to me. I didn't even raise my head. I already knew it was one of my brother's friends coming to bother me even more.

"Pride and Prejudice is my favorite," A soft voice said to me. I looked up at Remus and just nodded. But like most people, he couldn't just leave it at that.

"How do you like the book?" Remus asked me. I closed my book already, knowing that I won't be doing much more reading.

"I just started it, but it seems interesting." I responded in a dry tone.

"That's good. How have you been? I know you're probably tired of hearing that, but I'm not asking as your brother's friend, but because I genuinely care." Remus said.

"Always the smart one, Remus, but like I told your other friends, I am fine. Please tell my brother not to send the Pettigrew boy. I have no interest in hearing this same conversation for a fourth time. Please, just save your breath." I responded with a rude tone. I picked up my book, gave a forced smile to Remus, and walked off.

Out of all my brother's friends, Remus is the most tolerable. He is nice and doesn't judge anyone. He feels more neutral even though I know he is friends with my brother, but at least I know he doesn't share my every response. I can appreciate that my brother doesn't have Remus fully wrapped around his finger, even though I can tell that they have something going on, maybe dating. It's pretty obvious there are feelings there.

Classes are starting tomorrow, and I am already feeling anxious. It's my sixth year, and I just got my timetable and it seems I got advanced Potions with the seventh year Gryffindor, which means with my brother's pathetic group of troublemakers. A big gray spotted owl came swooping down, and I already felt my heart rate increase.

My family never sends me a letter unless it was important, so I already knew it couldn't be good. The owl came down, dropped the letter, and flew off again. I picked up the letter that had a stamped seal with the family crest on it. I took a deep breath and ripped open the envelope and grabbed the letter from the inside.

Dear Regulus,
We request you to come home for Christmas break. You are required to attend a formal dinner in which you will expect to be on best behavior for our guest.

Sincerely,
Walburga Black

     I felt my breath hitch and my eyes tear up. I needed to get out of the Great hall. I abruptly got out of my seat, ignoring Evan and Barty, who were talking about their classes, and ran out of the Great hall to a nearby corridor to find the fastest route to the Astronomy tower.

The Astronomy tower always made me feel better, the breeze filling me up and the peaceful silence that came with the empty tower.

I made my way up to the top of the tower and sat down on the edge of the window seal with the window open next to me. I look out, thinking clearly now. I didn't want to go back home, but if I didn't, they would go after Sirius and I couldn't have that. He was finally free. It's a small price to pay for his happiness and freedom that I will pay. I truly care about Sirius. He doesn't deserve how our parents treated him, so if one day I have to take the mark to ensure he is safe, that's what I will do.

I sat for a while and remembered I had some muggle cigarettes that Sirius left behind. I had no interest in smoking, but they seemed to calm Sirius whenever he smoked them, so I tried it. I pulled out the pack, plucking a small cylinder stick out of it and stashing the pack away again. I put the cigarette in my mouth and swiftly lit it with my wand and sucked on the cigarette. I let the smoke fill my lungs before breathing out and promptly started coughing.

It felt nice how it filled my lungs, but unfortunately, it also tickles me a little, making me cough. After a few more times of inhaling the smoke, I stopped coughing and started feeling more relaxed.
Maybe cigarettes aren't as bad as I thought, but I probably shouldn't mention that to my parents because they most definitely would not approve of my coping mechanism.

I sat in the Astronomy tower for most of the day going through most of the cigarettes when I heard the door open and soft noises coming from whoever walked in. It's not until the people move more into the room that I notice that it's Remus and my brother kissing. Something I never wanted to see and now I can't remove this site from my mind. I let out a cough, and that's when Remus notices me and alerts Sirius, who stops attaching his lips to Remus's neck to notice me as well.

"Don't stop on my account. I was just leaving." I said while throwing the cigarette out the window and walking to the door to hopefully leave before I got questioned why I was in here smoking.

"Wait, a damn second! Why are you smoking up here alone? I have been looking for you since this morning." Sirius said while I turned around to face him.

"It doesn't really concern you, plus here I am. You have found me. Now go back to snogging Lupin, otherwise he might get bored with you." I said in an agitated tone.
I didn't really mean to be rude towards Remus, but at this moment I really just wanted to leave before I saw something that couldn't be removed with a simple memory charm. I didn't wait for my brother's response before I left, walking towards the direction of the Slytherin common room.

"There wouldn't be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one."