Marvel one-shots

6. Survivors guilt P2 - Natasha Romanoff

I dragged my hair into a ponytail, before putting on my shoes and coat. It had been about 3 months since Natasha's death. I was still as guilt wracked as when Clint pulled me up off the side of the cliff. I couldn't forget what happened. Every day it played in my head, more vivid than when it actually happened. I heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I asked.

The door opened and Clint came into the room.

"How are you?" he asked.

"How do you think I am?" I asked.

Clint sighed, looking at the floor.

"I tried contacting her sister. I've been trying for ages. I can't find anything," Clint said.

I stood fiddling the rings on my fingers. I'd managed to find a phone number to contact Yelena on, but there had been no response.

"I'm going out," I said, walking towards the door.

Clint grabbed my arm gently, pulling me back.

"Where?" he asked.

I bit my lip.

"The forest," I lied.

I was really planning on going to Natasha's grave again. Clint seemed to know I was lying though.

"For a liar you're not very good at lying you know?" he teased.

I looked at him. I saw only concern in his eyes. Backing into my room a little, I apologised.

"Y/n, I know you miss Natasha - we all do. But you can't keep doing this to yourself," Clint began.

"Doing what to myself?" I asked, although I knew exactly what he meant.

"Locking yourself in here, not talking to anyone, only going out to Nat's grave."

"I'm an adult Clint, I can do what I want."

"Maybe, but you're still young. Why do you think Natasha persuaded us all to let you stay with us?"

I shrugged.

"You were 18. You had nobody else to go to, the Red Room murdered everyone you knew."

I flinched when he said 'Red Room'. Clint moved his hand down to mine and held it comfortingly.

"You were like a daughter to Natasha. She wouldn't want you spending your life regretting what did or didn't happen."

I felt tears prick at my eyes again. It was true. I was the youngest widow there. Natasha had taken down the Red Room with Yelena, and Natasha took me with her because I had nobody else. The other widows either had family or were old enough to look after themselves.

"I just want to visit her grave," I mumbled, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I know," Clint replied. "I just don't want you to be mourning for Nat when you can be having a life."

Clint seemed to understand. I nodded.

"Do you want me to drive you there?" he asked.

"It's fine," I replied, shaking my head. "Thankyou Clint."

He smiled, saying, "No problem kid."

I punched him playfully on the arm, before going downstairs. I saw Laura in the kitchen, so I went over.

"Hey y/n," she greeted me.

"I'm just going out with the car for a bit," I said, picking up the car keys.

"Alright, be safe out there," Laura called as I headed towards the door.

I pulled up the car on a flat space only a few minutes walk away from Natasha's gravestone. I got out, putting the car keys in my pocket. I began to walk down the track, listening to the wildlife.

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Me and Natasha sat in the compound, laid on a table - bored as usual.

"Where do you want to be buried if you die?" I asked her as we stared at the ceiling.

Natasha lay silent for a moment, before replying with, "A forest. Somewhere where nature is free to grow and live. Somewhere peaceful. That's where I'd like to be buried."

I turned my head to look at her. There were black bags under her eyes. I knew she'd been struggling to cope with the loss of Yelena, even if it was a year ago.

"She'll come back you know?" I asked.

Natasha grunted.

"Everyone will. Wanda, Yelena, Bucky, Clint's family..."

I turned to look back at the ceiling. I felt Natasha put her hand on mine.

"Все будет хорошо... надеюсь..." she says. (Everything will be okay... I hope...)

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As I turned the corner, I saw someone at Natasha's grave, their back to me. I stood and watched for a couple of minutes, then began to walk over. Standing behind the person, I said, "Everyone really misses her."

The figure whipped around. I blinked in surprise, then stumbled back a few steps. She looked confused.

"You're Yelena, aren't you?" I asked in a whisper.

Yelena shrugged, trying to hide the sadness in her eyes.

"How would you know?" she asked.

"I knew Natasha..." I whispered.

"Y-you knew Natasha?" Yelena asked, her voice shaking a little.

I nodded.

"You both saved me from the Red Room. Natasha took me to the Avengers. I had nobody else."

Yelena stared at you.

"Were you there when..." she trailed off.

"Yes..." I replied, looking down. "I know what happened. I was on the cliff with her."

Yelena stepped closer to me, her eyes searching mine.

"What happened?"

I went over to Natasha's grave and crouched down beside it.

"She sacrificed herself for all of us."