Shadow Butcher (LokixAvengersxOC)

Do you love him?

"It is a pretty quick decision you made. Are you sure you want an abortion?"

Again, I nod my head before I mumble desperately, "I can't give a life in this fucked up world. And I've drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes during the pregnancy. What mother would I be?"

Bruce puts a hand on my shoulder, giving me a tight squeeze that stops me from overreacting. I look back up to him through a blurry vision when he smiles genuinely at me.

"A good one."

I sniffle shakingly through my crying and shrug my shoulders.

"But not now. I'm not ready. The world isn't ready. I'm not even sure if Loki wants this child. Life is cruel, Bruce. We have a Terminator running wild, trying to extinct our existence. I can't bear a child in this situation."

Banner listens closely to my rambling and nods his head along my words.

"Wait," Bruce pauses as he reconsiders his next words, "Loki doesn't know your decision?"

I shake my head as I wipe off my running nose.

Through tears, I whisper, "I can't tell him, Bruce. We just started a relationship. I'm not ready to be a mother and I don't know if he even wants to have kids." I put my face into my hands. "What if I tell him and he runs away? I can't do love again after all that happened to me. I can't lose him."

Bruce stays silent for a while. He walks across the room to grab some things. Walking back to me, he attaches my finger to a device to monitor me.

"I'm not quite friends with Loki but I know that he loves you. That means he will stay by your side. With child or not you should tell him. In the end, it is still your choice because it's your body."

Sobbingly, I confess, "I can't, Bruce. I just want to start the abortion, okay?"

"Do you love him?"

The question leaves me speechless and my mind running wild in search of an answer.

"Look, I can't talk you out of it but let it sink in for a few moments while I take the medication, alright?"

I wasn't even able to nod since I was still deep in thought. Bruce walked away, making sure to lock the lab while he left to take the pills for me as I waited for him to return later.

Do I love Loki?

I know for sure I fell rather quick for him, but is it really love?

And if I love him, why don't I want to tell him? It is also his child, he has the right to know. Then why don't I want to tell him?

Maybe it's because I don't want him to manipulate my decision. When I would tell him, his actions, reactions, and words, all can influence my decision I long have decided. And I am afraid of choosing again the wrong path.

But is this the reason why I don't want to tell him?

Do I love him?

Just the thought of it, the scenario of telling him that I'm pregnant and wanting to abort, I imagine his hurt features. The tears prick his eyes of losing something we created. And this after not so long he lost his mother to death.

Admitting it to myself, I know the answer to why I don't want to tell him. The reason is that I can't watch him getting heartbroken about a decision that he can't influence me.

And that reason is also the answer to the question Bruce had asked me.

Bruce walks in with a small cup of the three little pills and a glass of water. Before he hands them to me, he raises his brows, expecting an answer from me.

"I do love him and that is the reason I won't tell him now. I promise you, I will tell him later but for now, I can't go through this shit and have hurt Loki for doing it. I can't take it, him being by my side while doing it when I know it will hurt him."

"Okay," Bruce says and hands me the things.

I put the blue, red, and white pill on my tongue and rinse it down with a glass of water. I grimace at the taste of it and finish off the water to replace the disgusting taste of the pills.

"Thank you, Banner."

"Don't worry," he waves it off and checks the monitor of my vitals. "I'll have you around for another fifteen minutes. Later you should feel abdominal pain as if you would have severe cramps during your periods. You will bleed out a lot. That's the reason why you should stay with someone the whole night after the fifteen minutes."

I nod my head and thank him again.

"I promised you to keep this a secret. Will you promise me something?" I nod my head. "Don't wait all too long to tell the truth. It will hurt him more once he finds out from someone or something else."

Again, I nod my head and reconsider his words for the next fifteen minutes before I go back to my awaiting bath.

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Author's Note:

I know this was a hard chapter to write. Not only because I can't exactly describe how abortion works and what kind of pain you feel but also because it's a subject that is most often not talked about enough.