Secrets and Lies : Conrad Fisher

 blame 

"Don't do that don't make it look like I'm the dick here"

I scoffed "I don't need to make you look like a dick, you already are one."

"What's with you trying to start fights all the time, getting jealous? I would never cheat on you. I couldn't say the same for you"

"Do you honestly think I would cheat on you" now i'm trying to keep my cool, but he's making it very difficult.

"What am I supposed to think, you're keeping secrets, you're telling lies"

"So are you"

"What's that supposed to mean" ok now i'm angry.

"I know you're hiding something I'm not stupid, six months ago We were perfect and then one day you stop being the love of my life and started being someone who it physically hurts to be around" i know he can hear the pain in my voice, tears pooling in my eyes. he didn't say anything just looked at me

"Do you know what March 10th is"

the Realisation hit him, like a smack in the face "your birthday"

"My 18th birthday and I was crying because my boyfriend didn't even call me, even though he promised he would come up for my party and when I asked him how his night was He said he went to some stupid great party. You didn't even remember it was my birthday. do you know how much that hurts, the person who makes my birthday my favourite day of the year ,didn't even call" all off this had been building up for months, not having anyone to talk to.

"i'm sorry ok I know I've been shit lately"

"So explain to me, talk to me" taking a step towards him. pleading with my eyes for him to tell me the truth.

He took a breath "my mums cancer is back" a single tear falling from his eye.

tears fell down my cheek I had my suspicions. The mums were acting weird, but to hear it confirmed.
my back hit against the wood and i close my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?......"

"We tell each other everything?....."

"Why did you shut me out" i pretty much screamed the last one. tears now running down my face.

" I was going to tell you.... ok i was but I didn't wanna make you sad you were stressed about school and then when you got to cousins you were acting weird being so distant, barely talking to me without making us fight"

"You treat me like shit for six months and then the second that I decide I'm done with it. I'm the bad guy." I was confused.

"I'm not the only one keeping secrets so what's the big deal? Who is the guy, is it ben" he still thinks I would do that to him

"oh my god" i let out a laugh with no humour in it

"What is wrong with you" i yell

"Okay if you're not cheating on me then what is it"

"i can't"

"tell me"

"i..."

"Tell me or I'm leaving and I know it's someone else "

Tears streaming down my face like a waterfall, but I couldn't answer, i was frozen in the spot.

he slowly nods and turned around and he got two steps before I yelled, stopping him in his tracks.

"i'm pregnant.......  ok is that what you want to hear the big secrets, the lying, I'm pregnant.. 11 weeks I have been losing my mind, but trying to keep it together for so long. so scared of what i was going to tell you" he slowly turns around and looks me dead in the eye's, the second he looked into them he new i wasn't joking. his face fell like everything clicked in his brain

he punched the wood hard enough to make me jump and step back a little "shit" he said, putting his hand on his forehead

"Why didn't you tell me" he sounded shocked and angry

"How can I, you barely talk to me, you're the one who shut me out" that just made him more angry

"You should've told me"

"Yeah well you should've told me about Beck"

We both look so broken, I know his mind was racing,
I walked closer to him, putting my hand in his.

"Say something.... say anything"

"What are we going to do" he said so quietly i barely heard him, lowering his head.

"I don't know... i really don't"

I thought he was going to walk away but he surprised me by hugging me, burying his face in my neck, He just kept saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" all over again, "this is my fault"

"we need some sleep" I told him wiping the tears from his cheeks and we walked up to our room. He sat down on the bed and pressed his hands over his eyes. "Can we start over, forget about the past six months and just focus on right now" I said, "we have bigger problems than my birthday disaster" I need him right now I said with a sad smile

"You're allowed to be mad at me, Lottie I don't blame you ..... I wish I told you sooner."

"I missed you and I love you more than anything" I smiled at his words

"we can talk tomorrow, right how we need to sleep it's late."

With that, we both lay down and my head resting on his chest. I fell asleep pretty fast. I could feel him still awake though. in the middle of the night I was half asleep when he put his hand on my belly.

around 1 am, I woke up with the sudden urge to go to the bathroom. When I got back to our room. Conrad was sitting up in bed, staring at the wall, when I walked in He looked up at me, taking him away from his deep thoughts

"i wish you had told me, i know i have been shit lately and i'm so sorry for that but you know you could have told me." he didn't sound sour or mean He just sounded hurt.

"i'm sorry.." I walked towards him and I sat on the bed in front of him

i looked down at the floor a tear falling down my cheek "connie I'm 18. I was terrified and alone and I didn't know what to do. I know I should've told you, but I was just scared of what you would say. I didn't want you to blame me or leave me"

"hey look at me" he says in a low voice  touching my chin to move my head towards him but I was just looking at my hands

"Lottie look at me" I slowly turned my head to look at him. He wipe the tears from my cheek and left his hands on my face.

"I would never leave you, you know that" his eyes flickered down to my stomach "this is not your fault it takes two remember, this is not just on you now you're not alone"

I smiled at his words, I pulled him into a hug. We didn't say anything else just lay there holding each other, trying to fall back asleep.