Abhinav

Part 16 - Anniversary (Proposal)

Akshara knocked at the bedroom door at midnight and it opened quickly. Abhinav hadn't been getting much sleep either. Abhinav stared at her for long and then rubbed the back of his neck in what Akshara knew was a nervous gesture. Akshara moved in, closed the door and hugged Abhinav before he could say anything. 'Happy Anniversary!'. 'Happy Anniversary', murmured Abhinav, not hugging Akshara back. When Akshara moved back, Abhinav started to speak again in what seemed like an apology but Akshara held up her hand. 'Please, Abhinav. I want to speak my heart out today'. Abhinav dreaded what was to come next but quietened himself and nodded.

'The day Abhimanyu said that he didn't want to be a part of my life or Abhir's is the day I lost trust in love. I realised that Abhimanyu may not have understood properly but for him to utter those words, it killed me from inside, Abhinav. I would be lying if I said that I didn't hope that Abhimanyu would one day appear for me, when his anger calmed down, every single day for 7 months before Abhir's birth. But that last hope was extinguished in the hospital when our miracle baby was born. That day I accepted that Abhimanyu would neither my Abhir's father nor my husband.'

Akshara took a deep breath and continued,' I lost faith in all relations, in myself, in everyone. Except you. You and Abhir. Abhir gave me life and you gave Abhir life. In all those months of pregnancy, whenever the fear of losing Abhir rose, I would see your belief and hope would overtake fear. You were Abhir's dad from the day the doctor informed me about his existence. In the six years that followed, you became my friend too. Then, my best friend. My confidante. Before I realised it, my no sorrow would leave without talking with you, no joy was complete without sharing it with you. Abhir started growing up and it was easy for me to think of our relation as co parents.'

Akshara smiled, realising as she spoke what Abhinav had meant to her right from the beginning, 'Easy but not the entire truth. We came to Udaipur, Abhimanyu had that accident and I moved back in time. I became Abhi's Akshu again. Akshu, who could die but couldn't lose Abhimanyu. Time stopped, I was nothing more than a girl whose first love could be dying. Then, when Manjari Aunty came, I got startled and confused. I looked around and saw you. Saw the pain on your face. And I forgot Abhimanyu. I forgot about the man who I had once loved, who lay at death's door next to me. That day, it wasn't Abhimanyu that died but whatever remained of Abhi's Akshu. For Akshu's love fell weaker in comparison to Akshara's'.
Abhinav gave no reaction on the outside, listening intently, while internally squashing the powerful feeling of hope rising every second, to protect the certain heartache he just knew was coming. Who could love a person whose own parents didn't love him?

Akshara continued, feeling relieved from the weight of the emotional baggage that she was finally unpacking. It had taken her an entire night and day to gather her courage, to acknowledge and express her deepest thoughts and finally that moment had arrived this Thursday - her and Abhinav's marriage anniversary.
'I treated you indifferently after that. I couldn't, didn't want to process all those emotions again and wanted to distance myself from both Abhimanyu and you. I wouldn't get hurt again. When Abhimanyu asked me to return to him, I felt all the angry words that I had hidden inside me rise to the surface and let them out. But I felt a strange restlessness too. Of being away from you. After my anger was exhausted, I ran towards you, scared that I had somehow lost you and could only breathe freely in your arms. Then, in Kasauli , when you tried to distance yourself from me, I felt like my heart would stop beating. I cried myself to sleep every night till you forgave me, Abhinav. And I knew then, Abhinav, I knew that I could deny the truth till the end of time but the truth wouldn't change. The truth of what I had started feeling for you. I wanted to express it in a special way but there was always, always one problem or the other. I don't know when but I took it for granted that surely you knew what I felt for you. It was so obvious to me that I foolishly thought that it was obvious to you too'.

There was a softness in Akshara's voice, a softness that only Abhinav could bring out, as she said, 'You have never said this but I know that you think that I am in this relation for gratitude sake. Yes, I am grateful to you, Abhinav.. For saving Abhir. For saving me. For coming into my life. For your very existence. I will always be grateful for that. It is unchangeable but not the reason for me being with you. There is something far more deeper and more powerful than gratitude alone binding me to you, Abhinav, and I want you to know what it is'.

Akshara bent on one knee, opened a box containing a gold band and said,'Love. It is love. I am completely and utterly in love with you, Abhinav. Will you be my husband in every sense of the word?'.