Abhinav

Part 15 - Unburdening

It was Tuesday evening. Abhinav didn't get any customers the entire day as it had been pouring since midnight and the roads were flooded. The weather in Udaipur was bizarre this year and Badi Maa and Akshara had been discussing global warming over evening tea, which flew over his head. Akshara had explained to him that what mattered was to not waste things, to purchase only that which one would use. It would be the first step towards protecting the environment. That he understood.

Abhinav looked over his shoulders at Akshara, sitting on the bed, mending clothes. He sighed and looked at the pink skies. The weekend was happy and enjoyable with everyone together as a family. Monday morning had been rough. Abhir had gotten angry again and Akshara had just managed to control her tears. Abhinav had felt his heart turn cold while leaving Abhir to school, knowing that he wouldn't be able to see him smile till the coming weekend. He didn't realise that the farewells repeated would not get easier with time but somehow more difficult. He put his fist against the glass window, his mind as gloomy as the weather outside. Abhir, my Nikkeji, my son, be happy.

'Abhinav, Thursday is a very special day for me as well. I know Abhir is not here yet, but I also know he will be with us forever very soon. It is difficult but I want us to lead our lives as normally as we can until then. Zindagi jeene ke liye hoti hai, manage karne ke liye nahi, right, Sharma ji? So, I was thinking we will spend the evening with our family and at night, just the two of us will have dinner at the 'City Restaurant'. If it's okay with you, I have to make reservations tomorrow'.
Abhinav heard excitement and slight nervousness in Akshara's voice.
Abhinav asked confused,' What are you talking about, Akshara?'.
'Such a typical husband you are, Abhinav! I am talking about our anniversary!'.
'Our anniversary?'.
'No', said Akshara, smirking,' I found out about your hidden second wife and I am talking about her and your anniversary!'.

Abhinav let out a sigh. He had not forgotten what he had put Akshara through with him losing all sense of reality even though she never once mentioned it. What kind of a husband am I , thought Abhinav, disgusted with himself. Instead of being there for Akshara, he had put her through his hell. What kind of a father am I? Substituting my own son for a make-believe 'better' version. He closed his eyes.
'We don't need to put up an act this year, Akshara. Your family will understand and Abhir is with the useless Birlas anyways', Abhinav pushed out the next words,' Why aren't you with Abhir?'.

'What? What did you say?', said Akshara, enraged, throwing aside the clothes, and standing up,' I didn't leave Abhir on my own accord! I had no choice after the verdict!'.
Abhinav faced Akshara, calmly. 'You and Dr. Birla co parented Abhir brilliantly in Kasauli. You kept aside your differences and Abhimanyu did for Abhir what I couldn't..'.
Akshara interrupted, 'Because you were busy earning for us!'.
'So were you, Akshara. The only relation we had was as co parents to Abhir and when he is not here, there is nothing between us'. Abhinav couldn't meet Akshara's eyes.

Akshara felt as if she had been slapped. 'Nothing between us? NOTHING? Abhinav, are you deaf? All those things I told Manjari Aunty and Abhimanyu in front of entire families, Abhinav!'.
'Akshara, it's been seven years. Can you honestly say that there is a husband wife relation between us?'.
Akshara stared at Abhinav as though seeing him for the first time,'Have I made a mistake again, Abhinav? You keep obsessing over bloodlines and I took it as something you believe because of your childhood. Is husband wife relation only physical for you?'.
'WHAT?'. Abhinav was shocked. 'Of course not, Akshara. Of course not. There should be love in a husband wife relationship. Do we even have friendship? What do I know of your past? What do you know of mine?'. Abhinav shook his head sadly.

'So, there is really nothing between us? All these years where you have been there for me at my best and my worst, when I looked out for you, all the times I trusted Abhir with you... You remember , right, how difficult the pregnancy was? The cost I paid to bring our miracle baby into this World? You know how I trusted no one with Abhir except you? More than myself I trust you, MR. ABHINAV SHARMA. All that is NOTHING?', asked Akshara, challenging him. She had read his letter, seen the earrings. How could he say there was nothing between them?

Abhinav's mouth curled into a mocking smile. 'I am nothing, Akshara'.
When I grow up, Uncle, I will have a family of my own. I will marry and have my wife, my kid and my house and car and food and money. Uncle had laughed derisively. You *** orphan, girls are delicate like princesses. They spit on beggars, they don't marry them. Now, go sweep the kitchen.
'No surname, no house of my own..' Akshara raised her eyebrows. '.. no stable income, I couldn't prove to be a good father, I couldn't keep my kid with me, I couldn't be a good husband'. Abhinav laughed at his destiny. 'How would I know how to keep relations? I never had any for a long time'.

Akshara stepped towards Abhinav, wanting to speak, for him to understand but Abhinav took a step back. 'Manjari Aunty was right. You, Abhimanyu and Abhir deserve a second chance. I have seen in Kasauli, I have seen in Udaipur too'.
'Abhimanyu's accident', whispered Akshara, realising the consequences of that careless action.
'Yes. We never had anything like that in our relation..', said Abhinav, wistful. 'That's not true! Then what was.. that night, Abhinav'. Akshara couldn't stop herself from blushing.

Abhinav spoke from the lessons life had shown him, 'It's natural for a person to crave for relations. Sometimes, we are so exhausted with the struggles, so overwhelmed with doing everything alone that we make do with what we get. That person is a wrong person. You don't need to make do anymore, Akshara, and neither does Abhir. Abhimanyu is better than me in every respect. He is richer, fitter, respected and.. loves.. both of you...'.

Akshara put up her hand, 'That's enough, Abhinav! I will not stand over here listening to you talk about yourself this way', Akshara moved towards the cupboard, removing her bedtime essentials, 'I am sleeping with Mimi tonight.. No, don't apologise, don't speak anything more! Let's just give each other some space'.

Abhinav stood still as Akshara walked out, slamming the door behind her.