𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞? : 𝘯𝘦𝘺𝘮𝘢𝘳 𝘫𝘳 ✔︎

twenty-seven

~~~~~~~~~~~~

☼

neymar was confused, angry, panicked, guilty, upset – a whole lot of random emotions.

he didn't know why kiania had wanted to break up in the first place. getting hurt? he thought they were okay. they were okay, up until the other day. he was loosing sleep over it, driving his coaches insane. he hadn't cried, because he didn't know what was going on. he wanted to, though, because she was ignoring all of his calls and his voicemails. he missed her. he loved her.

he was angry, too. rage coursing through him at who might've lead her on to immediately break up with him. when he was up at night, debating interrupting her much beloved slumber to tell her he loved her, thoughts flooded his mind of who she was with a few weeks ago. he couldn't remember his name, but all he could think was that it was him who had convinced her. taken his naive and fragile anjo away from him, and bitter frustration ran through his veins at them together.

still, however, he was beyond guilt at something he didn't even want. didn't even do. he'd accidentally told her. he didn't want her to find out like that. it'd make him seem guilty, which it did, leading to her final decision. it was eating him alive. a few mornings ago, he'd found a small photo of her on his nightstand, and he hadn't let it go, even though every time he looked into her pretty glistening eyes, he felt like crying, and walking all the way back home to see her.

"neymar, we have game after game for the next couple of months– i need you to be your best." one of neymar's coaches approached him, after watching him thoughtlessly and hopelessly kicking a football in a circle, staring down at a small picture.

"i'm always my best." neymar furrowed his brows, standing still, but still rolling the football around on his heel.

his coach hummed, "not recently. i need you to get over whatever breakup you're going through and get your shit together."

neymar's head shot back at his language, but cleared his throat, looking away, "i think i'm gonna go see her. i need to do that."

"you're gonna have to wait a few more months to do that." his coach said bluntly, and neymar's expression faltered, "i can't have you missing games, not this season. maybe around new years."

neymar's mouth opened in shock and defeat. he felt deflated. she wasn't answering, her family wasn't, and now he couldn't even go see her? he couldn't hear her voice, see her, tell he loved her. it had only been a few days since they last spoke, and it felt like it had been years – every single day stretched out into one long, never-lasting year.

"new years? it's summer."

"it's important. now get back on track." his coach nodded his head, and glanced down at the picture gripped in neymar's fingers. before he could recoil, it was snatched out of his hand, "no more of this. stop acting as if she's dead."

neymar reached out for it, but it was taken further out of his reach. his coach looked down at it, nodding his head, "she's a really pretty sight, neymar. bet she's beautiful in person."

"she is– give it." he reached out again, but it was taken away again, "she's not yours."

"not yours either." he stuffed it in his pocket, out of neymar's grippy hands, and backed away, "do better, and you'll get her back."

neymar wanted to run after him and dig it out of his pocket himself, but the words 'not yours either' got embedded into his brain, locking him in place. he was right, in an actual sense. for all he knew, she could be running off and doing things with whoever that other boy was that she did with neymar. per usual, anger flood through his veins, boiling his blood, driving his adrenaline through the atmosphere. he hated it. she was his, no one else's. she was loyal to him.

---

"kiania," her mother's voice echoed through the hallway, snapping kiania out of her daydreaming.

carolina rounded the corner into kiania's bedroom, the housephone in her hand, ringing, "neymar is calling you again."

kiania turned shy at the sound of his name, and pulled the covers up, "just let it ring."

hesitantly, carolina ended the call, and set the phone down on kiania's bedside table. she took a seat on the side of her bed, "what's going on between you two, hm? you had an argument?"

kiania avoided her mother's eyes, snuggling into her covers again. her mouth was dry, and her throat hurt. she felt like she was going to cry, so in a small voice, she shook her head and mumbled the words, "it's nothing."

tears began to cloud her vision quicker than she expected, and her mother noticed immediately. running her hands through her daughter's messy hair, "what's happened, filha?"

kiania sniffled, shaking her head, "we broke up."

carolina's eyebrows furrowed in shock. she always knew that neymar and kiania were soulmates. even from being young, so never did she think that they would break up. even though it was still early in their relationship, she kept thinking about their wedding day, what their kids would look like, going to see them in whatever beautiful home neymar would buy for them. she was bewildered that it had ended so suddenly.

"oh, filha," carolina wiped the tears that fell from her eyes, running her hands through her hair, "how come?"

"i just– i don't know, mamãe." kiania was trying to make it seem less obvious that she was crying, even though her voice was shaky and tears were falling from her eyes, "i got scared. he was– he was with someone else and– it was as if i wasn't even on the phone with him. i got–"

carolina understood. she was like that with her husband when they first started dating. ivan was very popular with the girls because of his looks, his protectiveness, his charm, and his laugh. when they started dating, lina got insecure, and shy, and upset that he was going to find someone else. but when she broke up with him for the first time, the only girl he wanted was her, and they got married.

"i was the same, kia, don't worry. it's not your fault, it's hard at first." carolina shuffled closer to her, comforting her, "you don't have to worry about anyone else with neymar, kiania. i've seen how he is with you. how he looks at you. all your life. you shouldn't push him away just because you're scared. tell him, talk it out."

"i– know, i'm just nervous. i'm nervous to talk to him. wh–what am i gonna say?" she rolled on her back, eyes bloodshot and glossy, lips puffed, cheeks a dark shade of red.

carolina wiped the tears away again, placing her hands on her hot cheeks, "just tell him how you feel. he'll understand. if he doesn't, he'll try to. kia, he's got a big season ahead of him, and he has high expectations from everyone around him. it'll be hard enough already without you there with him."

kiania sniffled, nodding her head. she exhaled. it felt good to get it off her chest, to tell someone about it, to talk, "okay. not yet, though. in my time. i'm still– still scared."

"that's okay, kia."

☼

~~~~~~~~~~~~