Romancing the Son of Heaven (Part 2)

Stratagem 51: Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (1)

Jing He made his way back to his own palace, distraught. He regretted not telling Qiu Ling how he felt. Even if things weren't possible between them, at least he could have given him that honesty and at least stayed a positive memory for him. Right now, he didn't even want to guess what Qiu Ling might be thinking of him.

Arriving at the gate of his palace, Jing He nodded toward the two guards in greeting and then stepped in. When the door closed behind him, he closed his eyes and sighed.

He loved Qiu Ling. He had done so for years and he didn't think that he would ever stop loving him. No matter whether Qiu Ling returned or not, this wouldn't change. But knowing this, it hurt even more that he couldn't see him right now.

Jing He went to sit down at the table in the main room and turned to look out onto the garden. He wanted to tell him about his feelings. He wanted to say just once that he requited what was in Qiu Ling's heart. No matter where it led, he at least wanted to do that. He would have married him if he could but that seemed impossible so he had to settle for less. Just a confession should be alright.

Jing He folded his hands in his lap, silently hoping that Qiu Ling would indeed return once as his mother had said he might. One last conversation to bid each other farewell ... It didn't seem enough but he would take it. At least then, he could tell him how he felt.

He sighed, knowing full well how unlikely it was for Qiu Ling to return. If he had really given up, then that should have been it. The day when he handed him the lover's heart was the day when he finally let go of him in his heart. Why would he return?

Jing He got to his feet and silently walked into the bedroom where he had placed the flower on the window sill. He stood in front of it, gazing at the pink blossoms as if they could help him find closure in this matter or maybe give him an idea of how to regain the heart of the one he loved.

He smiled, thinking of the meaning of this flower. Giving this to him ... was it really a last-ditch effort? His last try to see if he could soften his heart? But he should know that he loved him, right? After all, in the last years, he had indicated his feelings several times, sometimes even rather boldly. Seeing this, shouldn't Qiu Ling have some trust in him?

He looked up, watching the clouds pass by overhead. Back then, Qiu Ling once told him that he might lose hope if he wasn't given the slightest sign of whether his feelings were requited or not. At that time, he had changed his behavior at once so Qiu Ling would never have to doubt what was in his heart even if he couldn't say it out loud.

He felt that this shouldn't suddenly change. But then, it had also been years since then. With no further progress, maybe Qiu Ling had thought he was just going through the motions. Maybe the flower had indeed been a test and he had failed it.

Jing He's brows furrowed and he looked back down, his gaze resting on the pink petals before wandering further down to the beautifully carved flower pot. He didn't believe that Qiu Ling was like that. No, he had never been somebody who held back his feelings. If he had doubts, he would have said so. He would have asked him directly and told him that he couldn't continue like this without receiving more encouragement. At the very least, that was what he believed.

Jing He reached out, wrapping his hands around the flower pot and feeling the smooth surface. Qiu Ling had created this with his own hands, just like the small statues he had shown him back then and the one he had created just for him. Those actions showed how serious he was. After once again making such a gesture, how could he suddenly give up? Especially since he had even said that his feelings wouldn't change.

His brows furrowed, unsure what to think. On the one hand, he didn't believe Qiu Ling was somebody to simply abandon a person he had been pursuing for years. On the other hand, it wasn't impossible to imagine that he had gotten fed up with his indecisiveness. Or maybe it was that Qiu Ling had taken a hard look at what he knew about him and finally decided that he wasn't the right fit after all. All of this was possible.

Jing He sighed and sat down on the bed, hanging his head. If Qiu Ling came back, he had to make sure that he told him about his feelings. Otherwise, it was only a question of time until Qiu Ling would indeed be fed up with him. If he didn't come back though ... could he just accept it?

His heart throbbed thinking of a future where he wouldn't see Qiu Ling outside of official encounters, where he would never have a moment alone with him again, wouldn't hear those love confessions, and also couldn't profess his own love for this man. It just ... it didn't seem like a life worth living.

Jing He clenched his hands into fists. If Qiu Ling didn't return ... maybe he should try and take a step toward him. After all, he owed him that much after ten years, right? He could admit that he had been wrong, tell Qiu Ling the words he wanted to hear, and then ... and then ...

Jing He suddenly was in a daze. What then? Even if he confessed his feelings, would it change anything? His father disliked the dragon king. He had repeatedly warned him about falling in love with him. Certainly, he wouldn't allow for them to get married.

But since that was the case, then why should he confess? Those words would not change a thing. At most, he could free himself from the burden that was carrying his unsaid feelings with him. Or he could ensure that the dragon king would not think as unfeeling of him. That wouldn't be bad.

At the same time, maybe there were negative consequences as well. Qiu Ling had pursued him fervently these years even without encouragement. If he told him how he felt and that the issue was his father's refusal to agree, wouldn't Qiu Ling see it as his mission to change the status quo?

Of course, the result of that was something he'd like to see come true. But it was very likely that it wouldn't lead to the result Qiu Ling wanted to see but instead enraged his father further. Maybe then, he wouldn't be able to see Qiu Ling at all. What then?

Jing He put a hand on his chest, feeling distraught. He didn't want to see a future where he and Qiu Ling had to be completely apart. Even just not seeing him for a few days made him anxious beyond belief. If he never saw him again ... could his heart take it?

He stared off into space, not sure what to do. He wanted to change things but he didn't know how. The risk of acting seemed so huge as if it was an insurmountable obstacle. But he also knew that without taking that risk, the beauty that had been the love between Qiu Ling and him would wither. That wasn't something he could silently watch happening either.