Xyla POV
"So you want me to do what?" I looked at Jaime and he looked at around the room.
"You can go to my mama house so me and the guys can get the house together and move everything. You do not need to be moving boxes and shit." I nodded.
" I know, but I want to be there because they have to come install the cable and install the Internet and they had to install the home security stuff."
" they can do that and I'm going to be there."
" Come on you are boring, I want to help."
We ended up getting our keys that Monday, but it is about a month to even get to this point where we're moving in. We have just been so busy with us, my mom and Jeremy and then we had to help his mom move because we feel like that was more important because she is relocating all together, we had to get the dogs down here and we had to just get all of her stuff down here. It was just so much we had to do for her. Then Jeremy with his schooling, we had to figure that out. I am so proud of him, he plans on going to school from our house the first year and then the next year maybe doing a dorm or staying with us and then I know the third year for sure he wants a dorm. He just wants to see how school is as of right now. If it's too much for him because of what he's been through, we're not rushing him out.
"You were just feeling sick this morning."
"Now I feel better. I wanna go Jai. Baby please I will stay out the way." He nodded.
" OK, just bring your tablet because you gone have to be in the car until you bring the chairs in the house. The couch actually and you need to stay entertained because I'm not gonna be able to entertain you. We just need you out the way for a little while and the cleaners are there now to do like a cleaning and things like that. My mom said she wanted to do a spiritual cleansing the house but that's after we get the furniture in there."
"Okay. You alright?" I asked and he shrugged.
"You alright?"
"Baby seriously."
" I am fine, I am just a little stressed out because it's been a lot of shit going on. I didn't think going through her stuff would be so out hard. it's fine, I am not going to dwell on it too much. I just got to keep going and keep pushing. We have important stuff going on right now." He walked away.
"Baby do you need a hug?" He shook his head.
now I knew something was wrong, he has never deny my hugs or my kisses.
"Jamie..." I followed him.
" I just don't understand, she was just a baby. I cannot process that. That shit is so heavy on my heart because I feel so bad. All of this because of me."
" it wasn't because of you, it was because someone fucked up in management, and they made the wrong move. They had nothing to do with you, if anything, you save her, and you gave her life. We gave her life, we did that favor for her, because if we didn't, she probably would still be here hurting and suffering." I grabbed his hand and he snatched it away. "Jamie you do this every time, do not do this." I held him tighter.
"Please just- just stop."
" no I'm not going to stop, you get upset every time you think about it, any time are you going through anything emotionally? You shut down on me. And you start being very mean, cut it out." I hugged him.
"This is just so fucked up. The things I said and the things I did before she passed away. I will never forgive myself for that." I looked at him and his eyes water. " I am so sick of feeling like shit, I wish I never said that shit, I wish I never do that shit. She was my daughter, and I knew she was. She was my everything and I let a situation that had nothing to do with her demolish our family. I didn't see her for months and the one- the one day that I decide to interact with her because I couldn't put my pride aside and go see my daughter... What type of shit is that? What type of man am I? You gave her family, you were her mother. She remembers you as that and the last word she had of me is probably up and down and confusion."
