Bet On Us

21. Stab Wound

It was 5:30pm, on a Thursday night. I didn't know what to do with myself, I was trying to process my feelings, as well as, the pain I'm going through.
I really wish I didn't have to go through all of this.
But sometimes it happens to the best of us.
It don't mean you're being punished.
It just wasn't meant to be, it was the wrong time, as well as, it being the wrong place.
Does it suck? Yes. Will you get through it? Yes. One step at a time ladies.

I keep looking at the clock, I don't know why, maybe I just want this day to be over with.
Robert is coming at 7, at least, I'll have company.
Maybe, it's time to forgive Robert.
I've realised, that life is too short to hold grudges.
I know he made a mistake, (a huge one in-fact.)
But people live and they learn, sometimes people learn the hard way, some learn the easy way.

-1 hour and 30 minutes later-
19:00pm

I awoke to the sound of knocking on my door, I must've dozed off.
I look at my clock, then look at the door, then back at the clock again.
Oh, shit! It's seven.
I fell asleep!
I quickly scurried to the door, opening it slowly, it was Robert.
I let Robert in, I was still in my pjs, I didn't care though.
I turned the telly off, sat down in my armchair, whilst waiting for Robert to sit down.
Robert sat down, got cozy, then looked up at me.

"How are you feeling?" Robert asked
"I'm okay, I'm not the best, I'm just taking my time. Are you okay?" I asked curiously

Robert sighed, cleared his throat, then began to speak.

"I'm getting there slowly" Robert replied
"That's good, we both need to take our time with this, this is a very sensitive subject" I cried while looking at Robert
"How are you so strong?" Robert asks

I looked at him, looked down at the floor, then cleared my throat.

"When my dad died, my Mum fell apart, I had to pick up the pieces. I didn't properly grieve, I cared more for my Mum's feelings, than I did my own" I replied
"You're very strong Katie" Robert cried
"I try to be, sometimes being strong is the only choice you have" I replied
"I agree. Sometimes, when you fall. You've got another chance to get back up" Robert responded

Seeing Robert talk like this, it just goes to show he can be mature. He don't sound like the person, who he was before. Robert has changed through pain, pain changes people.
I liked this side to him, not the grieving side obviously. But the way he's handling this sensitive topic head on.
Robert is very brave himself, he just don't know it.

"Can I ask a question?" I asked
Robert looked at me with a frown. A scared facial expression appeared on his face, he looked worried now.
"Sure" Robert said slowly
"Do you see your mum?" I asked

I've never once seen Robert on the phone to his mum, I've never seen him message her, or look at her profile.

"My Mum lives in Paris, she's with a new guy, she cheated on my dad when I turned 15. My Mum begged me to keep it a secret, but I couldn't betray my dad like that. So I told him, then she left me and my dad, for the new man in Paris" Robert cried
"Why didn't you tell me this?" I asked
"I don't know, I guess I didn't really have a reason to bring it up until now" Robert cried

Robert has been through trauma himself, I can see that now. The hotel what Robert and Malcolm have worked so hard for, has finally paid off.

"Thank you for telling me, I'm very proud of you for opening up to me" I responded

Robert let out a heart warming smile, I don't think nobody else has ever praised him, apart from his dad.
I'm probably the first girl who has praised him up. I always will do.

"No, thank you! You have taught me how to process my own emotions. I needed that. It's time to let things go" Robert answered

When Robert meant "let things go", did he mean me, the baby, or his mum? I'm very confused. I hope he didn't mean me or the baby.

"Robert?" I asked
"Yes, Katie?" Robert cried
"I forgive you" I replied
"You do?" Robert asked
"Yes, I do. I know it was a shitty thing you did, but you live and you learn" I cried
"I know it was a shitty thing to do, whatever lady I come across, I will never do that again. I'm not that person anymore" Robert responded

Hearing Robert say: "whatever lady I come across", felt like a kick in the teeth. Does this mean we're over? Does this mean it's time to move on?
What does this mean for us? I know, I shouldn't be thinking all of these things. I should be focusing on my mental health, but I can't help but notice that maybe he's going to find another girl. That terrifies me, because he's going to throw away what we have.

"Katie? Are you okay?" Robert asked
I couldn't help it, I had to ask him if we were still going strong, I had to make sure of it.
"Are we still dating?" I asked out of the blue

Robert went to open his mouth to speak, but a painful facial expression appeared on his face.
I guess, that answers my question. I want to curl up in a ball right now.

"I guess that answers my question, thanks for stopping by" I cried
"I don't think we should date, until we've both gotten through this" Robert replied

Deep down, I knew what he was saying was true, but it wouldn't hurt to give it another try would it?
It felt like I had been stabbed in the chest, because his words hurt me.

"I hope you find what you're looking for"...