The Man in the Audience

Happy New Year.

Your POV:

EARTH-616
Claire's apartment, Manhattan, NYC, NY.
12/31/23. 11:00 P.M. EST.

A little while after the conversation with Ashlee, I found myself pondering on it. She really opened my eyes and my mind to other things. She made me realize all the little things I had been missing out on for so long. But overall, the main thing was Ashlee agreed to stop telling everyone about Miguel and I. She said she was sorry and didn't mean to upset me and said she never should've told anyone that in the first place. I of course forgave her. Now we just moved on with everything. I understood her side and she understood mine, it was all under control. I was sitting at the small bar near Claire's living space now, sipping a Champagne one of the butlers served me. I notice Miguel approaching me. He sat down next to me, "Hey, where'd you go? I was looking all over for you." He said, putting his arm around me and giving me a pat on the shoulder.

He took his arm from around me before I answered, "Sorry, I got caught up talking with Ashlee." I apologized, taking another sip of my drink. "Don't worry about it." Miguel chuckled, "You need another one of those? I'll buy it for you." He said, pointing to the almost-empty-glass of Champagne in my hand. "I'm fine. This one was free anyway, and I still haven't paid you back for the Chinese food the other night." I laughed. Miguel smiled, "Are we still on that?" He joked. I smiled back, turning away from him as I took another small sip. "Yeah. We are." I spoke quietly. Miguel rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair, "Y/N, I told you it's fine." He spoke firmly, "I promise." I sigh, "Fine. You win. I'll stop trying to pay you back." Miguel smirked at me as he turned to the bartender to order his own drink.

I stared at Miguel as he ordered. He was so charming, and I wished I could tell him how I felt. But I was still scared. Ashlee told me not to be scared, but it was different for her. It was definitely easy for her to say that's for sure. Who would turn down Ashlee?! I reminded myself the feelings would soon fade away like dust in the wind. Just how I explained to Ashlee. Sure, I wouldn't ever get in a relationship doing that, but it saved me from the embarrassment of getting rejected or having them be utterly disgusted by me. Miguel turned to face me after he was done ordering. I broke my gaze from him quickly, turning away again as I took another sip from my glass. He probably caught me staring so now I was really embarrassed. I acted like nothing happened. "What's wrong?" He asked me. His face told me he was concerned.

"Nothing." I spoke quietly, "Nothing is wrong." I tried reassuring him but it didn't really seem to work. He raised an eyebrow at me, "You sure? You can always talk to me...y'know that right?" Miguel almost broke me right there. That sentence almost made me bawl into tears. I almost spilled everything out to him but I held back with all the force I could manage to use. The feelings I had bottled up inside were so overpowering and overwhelming. It made me a little emotional to say the least. Actually...more than a little, "I don't think I can really talk about it with you." I spoke with a shaky voice. I cleared my throat in attempt to cover up my tone. Miguel put his hand on my back, leaning in closer to me, "You can tell me. Anything. Anything at all." He reassured me gently. I shook my head, "I'm sorry, I can't." I said, getting up from my seat quickly, leaving my drink behind. I rushed my way to the nearest bathroom. Once I closed the door, I let it all out.

I couldn't tell why I was getting so emotional over this. Maybe it was the realization of how much my mind really holds my heart back from admitting to liking anyone. But it was for the best...right? I stared at myself in the mirror, a waterfall streaming down my cheeks as the backlight from the mirror reflected off my tears. My face became puffy, my eyes were getting all red, and I just looked like a hot mess overall. I leaned over the sink as I continued to sob, thinking of Miguel. I hadn't cried over another guy like this since high school. I had cried over him for the same reason I was crying over Miguel. He was straight, and there was no way he'd ever like me romantically. I had to let him go, and we hadn't talked since. The same thing would probably happen with Miguel and I. That's just the cycle.