Façade//Spencer Reid

28. Why he cares

Spencer was away on a case for 3 days. It was a particularly difficult case, and it didn't help that 2 of the victims were kids who hadn't - and wouldn't - reach the age of 10.

He messaged Y/N when he was boarding the jet to head back to Quantico.

Y/N, on the other hand, she planned to bring some food - not only for Spencer, but for the team. She knew that Carter would want to see Spencer, so she intended to bring him along.

SPENCER
When the jet landed, Hotch stopped me from exiting.

"Reid, you did good with this case. The outcome wasn't what we wanted, but at least we saved that 15-year-old girl." Hotch stared at me.

"Hotch, 2 children - both of whom were under the age of 10 - lost their lives at the hands of a serial killer. They'll never see their 16th birthdays. They'll never get to drive a car. They'll never get married and have kids. We allowed that to happen." I exhaled, shaking my head.

"Reid..." Hotch attempted to continue the conversation, but I didn't allow him to.

The drive was silent. My mind kept going to Y/N and Carter. I'd never forgive myself if Carter ever ended up in the hands of an unsub - serial killer or otherwise. Y/N would never forgive me. Throughout the entire case, my mind kept going toward Carter. My dreams were replaced by nightmares about Carter being taken.

When we arrived back to the BAU office, Hotch pulled me into his office, shutting the door. He wasn't so concerned about shutting the blinds. The conversation he intended to have with me wasn't necessarily a private one.

"Reid, look at me. I know what you're going through. Every time we get a case involving children, I think about Jack. I always think about Jack." Hotch insisted.

"When I look at Carter, I see a little boy being taken care of by his mother - his father nowhere in sight. Carter reminds me...of me. My mother struggled to raise me and without my father, it was even worse. Hell, I even ended up taking care of her. I don't want that for Carter. I want to be there for him, unlike my father who was never there for me." I admitted, exhaling.

"What about Y/N? No offence, Reid, but Y/N isn't a woman suffering from Schizophrenia. She doesn't need help raising her son. She's more than capable to take care of her son." Hotch crossed his arms.

"Y/N...she is capable, I know that. But I know first hand what growing up without a dad is like. I don't want Carter experiencing the same thing." I shook my head.

Y/N
You exited the elevator, holding a few bags of food while Carter gripped the hem of your shirt.

"OMG! You're the best!" Penelope giggled as she walked up to you, taking one of the bags. You walked into the bullpen, everyone - except Agent Hotchner and Spencer - gathering around, taking the food that they wanted.

"Is everything okay?" You questioned, gesturing to Agent Hotchner's office.

"I'm not sure." JJ shook her head.

"I'll go let them know that I've brought food." You exhaled, letting Carter stay with Penelope. You walked up the steps and got closer to Agent Hotchner's office. You stopped when you heard them talking.

"Reid, look at me. I know what you're going through. Every time we get a case involving children, I think about Jack. I always think about Jack." Agent Hotchner spoke.

"When I look at Carter, I see a little boy being taken care of by his mother - his father nowhere in sight. Carter reminds me...of me. My mother struggled to raise me and without my father, it was even worse. Hell, I even ended up taking care of her. I don't want that for Carter. I want to be there for him, unlike my father who was never there for me." Spencer admitted. Your heart raced. No one had ever shown so much care for Carter. Obviously you did, - as you're his mother - but no one else had ever shows so much care. He spent the first 5 years of his life cooped up, barely fed and showered. The people who held him against his will would've been more than happy to hurt him if you didn't do what you were told.

"What about Y/N? No offence, Reid, but Y/N isn't a woman suffering from Schizophrenia. She doesn't need help raising her son. She's more than capable to take care of her son." Agent Hotchner asked.

"Y/N...she is capable, I know that. But I know first hand what growing up without a dad is like. I don't want Carter experiencing the same thing." You heard Spencer.

You were unsure as to how you felt about this. Spencer had called you beautiful, yes. You and him had sex 3 days ago. He called you when he was on the case. He said hello and expressed his hope that you were doing okay, but right after, he requested to talk to Carter. You were more than happy to let him talk to Carter, but what confused you was what he did once he and Carter finished their long conversation. You asked how he was doing, and instead of answering your question, he said he was tired and hung up.

It made you wonder if he only called to talk to Carter, and not you.

The uneasy feeling in your stomach forced your mind to forget about the food that you had intended to share with Spencer. You quickly decided against interrupting the conversation between Agent Hotchner and Spencer. You turned around and headed down the steps, hearing the door open just as you made it back to the group.

"Yo, Hotch, Reid. Y/N brought food!" Agent Morgan exclaimed as he held up a fast-food bag.

"Thank you, Y/N. None of us have eaten." Agent Hotchner admitted.

"Hey there, buddy. How are you doing?" Spencer bent down, hugging Carter.

"I'm good! Mommy made me pancakes this morning!" Carter smiled.

"Well, your mommy is a great cook." Spencer looked up at you, a smile on his face. You nodded, trying to keep yourself from saying anything.

"Carter, honey, we should go. I'm sure Spencer and his friends have work to do." You looked at Carter who exhaled, but nodded, understanding. You wanted to get away from the office as soon as possible. The idea of Spencer caring more about Carter than you was making you feel sick and you hated feeling sick.

"Stop by anytime, Y/N." Penelope hugged you.

"Sure." You smiled. You took Carter's hand and turned around, heading toward elevator. As you pressed the button and waited, you heard Spencer calling your name.

"Y/N!" He called out to you.

"Hm?" You asked, trying to focus on the elevator.

"Will I see you when I finish work?" He asked, hopeful.

"I- Uh, I have plans at the library. I'm bringing Carter with me. Sorry." The excuse wasn't necessarily good, but it was all you could come up with. He didn't seem to notice that you lied to him.

"Oh, okay. I'll see you later then." He nodded, placing a quick and gentle kiss on your cheek.

At this point, you didn't know if it would be a good idea for things to progress - relationship wise. Just then, the elevator opened up, allowing you and Carter to get inside. Spencer waved at you, and you barely waved back before the doors shut, allowing you to let out the breath you didn't even realise you were holding.