Façade//Spencer Reid

25. Wanting more

SPENCER
Y/N had moved out, which meant that my apartment had gone back to being quiet again. If I'm being honest, I missed the noise. I missed waking up to the smell of bacon and eggs. I missed listening to Y/N and Carter chat about whatever random cartoon happened to be playing on the TV. I missed when Carter would tell me about his day, and the things he learned at school.

The first night without Y/N and Carter sleeping in the guest bedroom was weird. When I cleaned my teeth and chucked on some pyjamas, my first instinct was to go and say goodnight to both of them, but I stopped. I made it halfway across my apartment before realising that neither of them were there. When I got into bed, my brain wouldn't turn off. Having Y/N and Carter across the apartment allowed me to fall sleep. I'd often close my eyes and listen to Y/N as she read a bedtime story with funny voices.

I saw her more often when she asked me to help her study to get her GED, but eventually my time spent with her became less and less because BAU cases piled up. I'd often return from cases and stop by Y/N's apartment to find Carter slowly writing in his work book. He'd smile, give me a hug and then show me what he was working on. When I asked him where his mother was, he'd explain that she was in her room, doing some work.

Every night, as I went to bed, my thoughts landed on Y/N. I'd imagine walking into my bedroom to find Y/N laying in my bed, cute over-sized pyjamas on and a book in her hand. We'd kiss for a few minutes before all lights were turned off. I'd fall asleep to the rhythm of Y/N's heartbeat.

That dreamed lived in my head and I often feared that it would never come true.

———

The team and I had just landed back in Quantico and were now heading back to the office. Rossi and Hotch had taken the first SUV back to the office, while JJ, Emily, Derek and I had taken the second SUV back to the office. Y/N had messaged me, letting me know that Carter had asked for me to join them for dinner, which I was happy to accept. Much to my chagrin, my smile - caused by Y/N's dinner invite - was caught by Derek, who looked at me with a smirk.

"Someone's in love." Derek chuckled, catching the attention of Emily and JJ, both of whom move from their seats to join the emerging conversation.

"I...am not!" I shook my head, attempting to put my phone away. Emily quickly snatched it from me and proceeded to snoop through my messages with Y/N.

"I think you're right Morgan." Emily smirked. She then started to read my messages to Derek and JJ, both of whom smiled with excitement.

"Thanks for reading my private messages out loud." I rolled my eyes.

"Stop denying your feelings, Reid. You love Y/N. Simple as that." Derek smiled.

"I don't. She's just a friend!" I argued.

"I'm sorry Spence, but those messages between you and Y/N say otherwise. "I love helping Carter with his homework". That tells me that you're using Carter as an excuse to see Y/N. Obviously you're close with Carter, but if seeing and helping him means that you get to see Y/N, you're happy to do so." JJ exhaled.

JJ wasn't wrong. I was close with Carter. He loved when I spat out random facts about anything and everything. He didn't mind my rambling and often said that my rambling reminds him of when he hears Y/N rambling to herself while she cooks. But, if my dreams were any indication, then I definitely wanted to be more than friends with Y/N. My issue was trying to express my feelings toward her without messing it up.

Talking to women that I liked was something I struggled with. Talking to Emily and Penelope was no problem, as they were my friends. I used to struggle having conversations with JJ when I had a crush on her, but then she met Will and I knew that nothing would ever happen, so I successfully built a friendship with her. And then there was Elle. I did like her and had a crush on her, but when she resigned from the BAU, I knew that it wouldn't be a smart idea to start anything with her.