DREA (GxG)

20. {Caroline}

May 1st

I spent three days crying in bed. I just didn't have the energy to get out of bed moreover to leave the house. So, I ended up skipping work, opting to just work from home but failing at even finding the motivation to do that.

I roll over in bed and check my phone again. Whatsapp, Instagram, Twitter-all her social media profiles have completely disappeared. I get no notifications about anything she does. It's complete silence. I don't see her, I don't hear from her. It's like she never existed and now a part of me is wondering if she ever was real. If perhaps, she was just a figment of my imagination created by my subconscious to help me cope with the pain of losing my husband.

My phone buzzed in my hand, pulling me from my spiralling thoughts and at first, I was hopeful that it was her, but it was just Emilie. She checks in every day, twice a day and Drew checks in every day right before I go to bed. They leave no room for me to feel lonely or forgotten so I shouldn't. I shouldn't but I did, because the one person whose attention I wanted, I couldn't get anymore and I missed her so much it hurt.

Did she miss me too? Or heard me laughing every time she saw a funny Instagram reel just like I would hear her and even the opinions she would have for certain things? Would she hear my voice too and predict what I would say in a familiar scenario the way her voice would echo in my head every time I pick the shrimps out of my wontons? Did she lay awake in bed up until the late hours of the night like I did because I longed for her embrace, and could no longer sleep without her? Did she ever just go into my room and sleep in my bed to feel close to me? I know I would probably do that, but knowing her, she's doing the opposite. She was probably at Angel's and Kylie's the whole time to avoid all the memories of me and all the emotions they would inflict.

I sighed and glanced at the message notification from Emilie again. Right now, they are the only reminders that the past five months actually happened.

Text message

Emilie: How are we doing today?

Julia: First of all, Happy birthday!!!🥳🥳
            I mailed you something so look out for that.

Emilie: I already got it and I love it. Thank you, by the way. You didn't need to do all of this.

Julia: Are you kidding me? You've taken care of me like I'm one of your children. I'm eternally grateful.

Emilie: Ahhh. Cudies!!! Stop before I vomit.

Julia: 🤣🤣
             Fine, fine.

Emilie: Anything from Drea?

My mood instantly dampened and the dull ache in my chest felt as if it was worsening with every breath. I swallow the lump in my throat and try to suppress the ache while I type a response.

Julia: Nothing. I didn't know that "space" meant completely blocking me out of her life.

Emilie: I'm sorry, hun. I tried. She'll come around, just hang in there.

Julia: Thanks.

May 18th

Somehow, I survived 20 days and in that span of time, I've only heard from her twice. Both times, she simply texted asking if I was okay or inquiring whether I was still alive. But the conversation doesn't ever evolve into anything more than small talk until it fades out eventually. Both times, she reassured me this wasn't the end. That we would see each other again and everything would be okay, but, it kind of feels like it. It feels like the end.

It was Thursday, so it was my day off and I have taken it upon myself to accept the invitation to go to Zaanse Schans Windmills for the cheese tasting with some new friends I made at work. Previously, they were all just people I knew, people I worked with and we got along fine but never were friends.