Oh, Shift! (Book III A Not So Cozy Mystery)

Chapter 2: Jesus Speaks to Me

Judge Wiseman turned to Rowena, looking her up and down before turning back to Selig. "Mr. Howler, I'm very familiar with the tactics lawyers use in giving their clients advice on how to dress before coming to court. Did you counsel your client to wear that outfit this morning?"

Rowena held her hands at her stomach in a prayer pose, a serene expression on her face.

Selig's smile faltered. He tugged at his tie. "No, Your Honor."

Judge Wiseman leaned forward and asked Rowena, "Ms. Flores, I have a feeling I'm going to regret asking, but can you please explain why you're dressed like a nun this morning?"

Laughter filled the courtroom. The judge slammed his gavel down again.

"She's just trying to gain sympathy," Hugo complained. "You should have seen her on Monday. She was dressed like a wanton woman! I was just trying to pass out hotdogs in front of T-net when she attacked me!"

"Your Honor, after Ms. Flores was taken to the county jail, she wrote a note to the arresting officer stating, and I quote, 'Jesus speaks to me.' Her statement goes on to indicate Jesus told her to take a vow of silence."

"Oh, brother," Judge Wiseman mumbled. "Ms. Flores, did you or did you not attack Mr. Rodriguez?"

Rowena bowed her head before turning to Selig and whispering in his ear.

Selig tugged at his tie again, clearing his throat.

"So much for that vow of silence, huh?" Simon spat. "Did Jesus suddenly say you can break your vow now?"

Selig cleared his throat and looked to Judge Wiseman. "My client states her vow doesn't allow her to talk to judges."

Judge Wiseman covered his mouth with his hand as his shoulders shook. Selig's brows lowered in confusion. He turned to Rowena who still held a peaceful expression on her face.

"Judge, this isn't funny. You let Ms. Flores get away with a slap on the wrist each time she comes to court because she always makes you laugh. It's not right!" Simon stomped his foot. He turned to Rowena. "You assaulted this clown-man and you have outstanding unpaid speeding tickets. I won't let you get away with it this time!"

"That's right.. she assaulted me! My nephew, Gilbert, is my witness!" Hugo screeched. "I'm still finding bits of hotdog in my ears!"

"Take a bath!" Someone who sounded a lot like Liam shouted from the audience.

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself, Ms. Flores?" Simon bellowed, his face turning a dark shade of red.

Rowena leaned into Selig and whispered something else.

"What? Your vow doesn't let you speak to county attorneys now?" Simon asked before laughing bitterly.

Selig cleared his throat again. "No, but I'm sorry, Mr. Grover. My client won't be speaking with you either due to the nature of her vow."

"What?" Simon's voice rose a few octaves. "Her vow doesn't let her speak to me specifically?"

Selig grimaced. "She said it doesn't let her talk to ugly people."

Simon lunged for Rowena who stayed standing beside Selig. Selig pushed Simon back while several growls erupted from the audience. Judge Wiseman slammed his gavel and the bailiff scurried over to hold Simon in place.

"Simmer down, Mr. Grover! How dare you try to attack someone in my courtroom!" Judge Wiseman narrowed his eyes at the county attorney. "You have no right to judge how I run my courtroom."

"Rowena is innocent!" Gilbert Rodriguez yelled from the audience, tears streaming down his face. "My uncle attacked her first."

"Gilbert! What the hell are you doing?" Hugo shouted.