Rabbit Hole

The Other Inhabitants

TW: MENTIONS OF/ALLUSIONS TO SUICIDE.

Well, if there was one upside to what happened, it was that I didn't go through hell alone.

After a short tour, I got changed. When I went into the room, I saw one blue and white dress on the hanger, which started to get me to think about something.

"So, why the Alice in Wonderland theme?", I turn to ask Lewis.

"Oh, it's a reminder of why I started this place."
"How?"
"I had a daughter, a few years ago. She was like you, trans, and she loved Alice in Wonderland. It was her favourite book. When I found out she was trans, I searched for ways to help. Eventually, I found a place that said that they could help her deal with it. Thinking it would try to help her with her identity, I sent her there. It was a lie, though. That place didn't help her with anything, it just tried to erase everything that made her a person. She came back almost like a ghost, and she... didn't last long after that."
"Oh my god. Someone else, or-"
"She did it to herself. I found her one night and she wasn't breathing. Drowned herself. So that's why this place exists. I don't ever want anyone to suffer the way she did, and hopefully I might be able to repay what I did."

With such a detailed backstory and emotional core to his reasoning, it essentially confirms I'm in good hands. It almost makes me feel bad for doubting him at all.

One I'd got changed, we started to head towards the main room, where the others were. On the way, we pass a weird looking door next to the water fountain. It clashed with the rest of the facility, a metal door in the middle of a pastel blue wall.

"What's behind there?" I stop to ask.
"It's a surgery room. Sometimes people get really messed up when they try to escape. You got lucky with the rib. Hopefully you'll never see the inside of it."

As we continue, we eventally reached 2 doors to a room at the end of the hallway.

"Through there are the others. I'll leave you for now, but just try to get to know who's who."

As I gently open the door, everyone in the room stops, if only for a second. Most go back to what they were doing instantly, one girl in a red dress rolls her eyes as she turns back, a boy with a brown jacket has a face of almost pure horror, and one person in a purple jumpsuit heads towards me.

"Hi! You knew?"
"Yeah. Name's Amanda."
"Kat. Genderfluid, currently they/them."
"Hi, Kat. So is it usually this quiet?"
"Yeah, We all found our own circles. Apart from Queen of Hearts over there." they tell me, gestering towards the girl in the red dress.
"She always like that?"
"Yep. Best to avoid her, unless she seeks you out."

"Hey, wait, we have a new girl?", someone in a turquoise outfit calls out. This is the first time I've been widely accepted and a girl, and it feels amazing.

"Yeah. I'm Amanda."
"Pat, they/them. You wouldn't happen to have any-"
"Pat, we've gone through this. There's no way they'd let anyone in here with that."
"I mean, there's always a chance, right?"
"What do they think I have?"
"They want to know if you have any drugs."
"What type?"
"Medication."
"Yeah no. Sorry."
"Do you have any other types of drugs?"
"Oh, no. Not at all. Sorry."
"Eh, I'll get it eventually."

At that moment, the guy in the brown jacket gestures for me to go over.

"Yeah?"
"So, you're the Alice?"
"What? I'm Amanda."
"I mean that you're the 'Alice' one."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Right, I'm supposed to be the Mad Hatter."
"But you're not wearing a-"
"Yeah, I know. Annoys me too. Kat's is kinda obvious, Cheshire Cat. Pat's the Caterpillar, which was probably done because of the drug thing. Amy," he says, pointing to a shy girl in the corner "is the doormouse, which, shy thing. Bill," he points towards the boy talking to her "is the White Rabbit, because he panics a lot-"
"You talking about us, Lloyd?" Bill suddenly exclaims.
"Just explaining the thing with characters. You know, the doormouse and white rabbit thing."
"Right, ok.", he replies, before going back to his conversation like nothing happened.
"Ok, where was I? Liv's the Queen of Hearts, mainly because she's a bi-"

Liv suddenly glares at him, and he instantly stops the sentence.

You get it. But the one that's probably most telling, Mark's the Mock Turtle-"
"The what?" I interrupt, not remembering them from the story.
"The Mock Turtle, the one that literally miserable the whole time because of his existence, as he used to be a 'real turtle', but became a mash of different creatures, and Mark really struggles with dysphoria, more than any of us.
"So, that's why it's him? That seems a little-"
"Exactly. So, why are you Alice?"
"I'm not sure."
"Look, we all got the characters for a reason. Mine was that I used to be a vocalist in a band, and I got sent away after a gig, and escaped from the car on the way there. So, sentenced to death, escaped at the 11th hour."
"I mean, if it's that, I fell down a hole as I tried to run, literally following a white rabbit."

He pauses a second, looking slightly apologetic.

"Yeah, that could do it, but your memory can play tricks on you. Haven't said it yet, name's Lloyd."
"Amanda, said that earlier."
"Ok, Amanda. Heads up: try to avoid talking to the workers here unless prompted."
"Right."

"You done introducing her yet?", Liv finally starts to notice me.
"Hi, my name's Amanda-"
"Yeah, I've heard. It's literally the first thing you've said to everyone in this room."

Lloyd looks at me essentially saying "good luck, but you're probably fucked."

"So, what's your story? Warned about going somewhere? Escaped a car? Tried to-"
"Fuck off, Liv. We don't talk about that." Mark interjects abruptly.
"Sure, Mark. Anyway, your story?"
"Parents essentially found stuff in my room and signed me up without even talking to me about it. I tried to escape that night, and ran into the forest, eventually falling into a hole, and I woke up here."
"You literally fell down the rabbit hole? Wow."
"Come to think of it, it's a little-"
"Hey, what did you do before here?"
"Huh?"
"Hobbies, interests, jesus you're not an idiot, are you? Are you a artist or anything?"
"Oh, uh, I do drawing-"
"Everyone does drawing. Are you an artist?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"How common is it?"
"I do it quite often."
"Is it good?"
"I mean, I think so."
"Everyone thinks their art is good. Do others like it?"
"I don't show it to others."
"Yeah, that probably says everything. Anything else?"
"I read a bit-"
"Oh my god, are you trying to fit into an archetype?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on, the blind niceness, the dress style, the interests, you're obviously trying to be the sort of geeky girl just so everyone likes you. It isn't gonna work, by the way."

Of course she's like that. It's obvious, the new kid doesn't really do anything against anyone, so easy target. So maybe I should bite back to put her off.

"Well, at least I'm not trying to go for the mean girl look."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not constantly making everyone else feel bad to make myself feel better."

She pauses. She looks absolutely furious. I think I might have struck a nerve too hard. Just as she's about to continue, two of the instructors bursts in.

"Hey, everything alright in here?", one of them asks. The other stays quiet.
"Yep, Clyde, Wilfred, all's good. You alright?" Lloyd quickly fires off.
"Yeah, we got tea ready, so if you come through here, we can get started. Mark, I need to borrow you for a sec."

He leaves with Mark, and we all follow on.

"Just so you know, I'm not letting that slide." Liv whispers to me on the way out.

If I'd have known what would follow, maybe I would have tried to get to know some of them more.
But I guess it's too late now.