Drunk In Love

73

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Onika's POV
Park
October 26

Today was my first time leaving the house since the twins had been born. I'd really turned into a homebody.

That's where I could be alone and at peace, which could be the reason why I chickened out of seeing a therapist. I knew I wouldn't enter that space with a positive attitude, so my wife postponed it on my behalf and I made her a promise to try at a later date.

I barely even got out of bed this morning, but I had to take Zamora to see her dad again. The last time he saw her was the day before my water broke.

With this visitation, Zamora insisted on going to the park. She wore some Ivy Park leggings and an oversized shirt. Beyoncé wore something similar except with some sweatpants.

I threw on some sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt for the day. I looked exactly how I felt.

A mess.

The baby weight was still on me, so I was feeling some type of way. The stretch marks on my hips had doubled.

Stretch marks had never really bothered me, but now they were practically haunting me. On top of that, I still had the postpartum pouch from my baby bump, reminding me that I wasn't the same.

It was driving me crazy.

I couldn't love myself. It felt like all the love that I had left came out when I gave birth.

Don't get me started on Beyoncé.

She was trying so hard to fill me back with the love but it wasn't working. I wasn't purposely turning down her affection, I just couldn't reciprocate.

Especially when my mind went back to two months prior with the Kendra incident. Because maybe Beyoncé preferred the way that Kendra looked.

She was slim with an hourglass figure. She stood a few inches taller than me, but just below Beyoncé.

"You're gripping the stroller really hard." Beyoncé commented, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Please talk to me."

"And tell you what?" I genuinely asked.

"How you're feeling." She shrugged. "I feel in the dark about you. I just want to help. You're not letting me in."

"I'm sorry." My head hung as we continued to walk.

Beyoncé sighed before speaking. "You have nothing to apologise for. Your feelings are your feelings. I just want to be there for you."

As I was about to respond, we finally met up with Nasir. Zamora hesitantly greeted him, still not being used to these visits.

"How are you, baby girl?" He asked her.

"I'm fine." She shrugged.

"Let's go sit down." He smiled and they walked to a bench together. He bought her some gifts, so she was opening those.

Beyoncé and I sat on a bench that was many feet behind them. The twins were asleep in their stroller, cuddled up in their little blankets.

I traced the handle of the luxury stroller.

It was a custom gift that Karl sent over when he found out I was having twins. It felt way too expensive for everyday usage, but Karl made sure it was the best possible baby transporter.

"When can we talk?" Beyoncé asked, snacking on a snicker bar.

"Beyyy." I sighed.

"Have you been talking Lo and Rob about how you feel?" She asked instead.