Totrium

Chapter Sixteen: Divulgence

Adrian looked him over, raising an eyebrow. "This from experience or something?"

He exhaled a laugh. "Yeah, it is." The silence settled again until Jacques broke it. "Madi really fucked you up, huh?"

He nodded, his eyes still on the city. "I've moved on though, so it's just something to learn from now, I suppose."

"What?" Jacques exclaimed, and Adrian glanced over to see a perplexed expression. "You got over her?"

He blinked at the reaction. "Yes. I threw out her flowers like you said and everything."

"When was that?"

"A while ago. Oh, it was on my birthday."

"It's been that long? What made you finally get over her?"

A smirk spread over his face. "Guess I realized three years of pining was finally enough."

He snorted. "You really get worked up over women, huh?"

He shook his head, chuckling. "Who says it's just women?" It took about half a second for all the blood to drain out of Adrian's face as he realized what he'd said. There was silence, then he added, "Uh, f-forget I said—"

"Is it not just women?"

"I-I don't know," he lied quickly. "I'm still figuring that out." By this point, Adrian knew that his feelings for Jacques were anything but fleeting, but he wasn't about to admit that out loud and certainly not to the man himself.

There was a pause.

"Well, that's okay," Jacques said gently. "You don't need to figure it out now. There a reason you've been considering men?"

He swallowed. "Oh, it's just something Zuri said. They told me I can be attracted to both men and women, and I suppose I never realized that was an option."

"You didn't?"

He shook his head. "Sad, I know, but love where I'm from is so formal. I never explored anything with anyone." He let out a short humorless laugh. "It's kind of pathetic. I'm twenty-four and just barely figuring these things out about myself."

"It's not pathetic."

He turned to him. "But Jacques, you have so much experience. I can't even speak properly when people give me attention. You saw what that woman at that bar did to me. I couldn't even tell her my name."

Jacques laughed at that. "I think it's endearing."

"You do?"

"Yeah. It's alright to take your time. I may have had a lot of experiences, but I regret most of them. Just 'cause I've had a lot, doesn't mean they were any good."

Adrian hummed a note of understanding. "I never really thought of it that way."

He patted him on the back. "Don't worry so much about it and just be yourself."

"Yeah... thanks."

A lot was going through his head then, but the main thought that permeated was that, if he really wanted to know how Jacques felt about him, he should first be honest about one thing.

He inhaled, steeling himself for what he was about to say next. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Actually Jacques... I lied." There was a moment of bated silence as the other man watched him curiously. Adrian exhaled, looking up and meeting the brown-eyed gaze. "I'm definitely attracted to men."

Jacques's eyes widened. "You are?" He nodded, and the dark eyes did not leave his face. "Are you... attracted to me?"

Without meaning to, Adrian made the tell-tale gesture that confirmed the answer to Jacques's question: he bit his lip and looked away, turning his head back to the city lights.