𝐁𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 | 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥

22

Chapter twenty two
'Happiness feels sweet'

MY MOBILE WAS BOMBARDED with countless notifications, the noise starting to haunt me. Why couldn't people understand that I didn't want to speak to anyone today?

Henry's name was a constant reminder that I was doing what I did best - avoiding and pushing away. Hailey also did her best to call and text me, but if she really cared, she would have come over. Not that I wanted her to, in-fact that would be the worst thing. But Hailey has keys to the dorm. The dorm was hers too.

Sticky scabs had already formed along my forearm. I had gone too far last night, and the wounds were deep. My clothes were partly stained with blood—the blood that I had decided to shed. It hurt, of course.

As I stood up from the bathroom floor, I winced. My cheeks were damp from tears, and all I could see was blood on the bathroom tiles. I felt guilty, revelling in my self-pity. Why couldn't I break the cycle?

The mere thought of my uncle being free was enough to strike me down and keep me there. I didn't want to continue with my life. He always found me. Sickeningly, Terry even threatened to track me down, his last words before being arrested.

Looking into the mirror, I noticed how broken I looked. Physically, I matched how I felt mentally. My eyes were puffy, lips chapped, and complexion pale as ever. I almost scared myself. God, I was so damaged.

Another message popped up on my phone, one that piqued my interest more than the others. My heart swelled instantly, tears already forming in my eyes. It was from Henry, and it was absolutely beautiful.

"Blair, I'm so worried about you. I don't know what's going on, why you're ignoring me and if I've done anything to hurt you. But please know that you're incredible, gorgeous and more than you'll ever know. Please text me or call me. I'll take you out for breakfast. Please don't shut me away - Henry."

How am I meant to respond to that? Do I tell him what's going on with me? Finally- let someone into my life, fully. Or simply run away, as fast and as far as I could ?

I decided not to make any bold decisions right now, so instead I got into a nice, warm shower. The water made my teeth clench due to the soaring pain radiating from my arm. The sort of pain that created a layer of tears in my eyes, again. This would definitely scar, more so than the others.

I stood in the shower for a while, letting the hot water run over me. It felt good, comforting even. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head, focus on something other than the pain of my wounds.

After a few minutes, I turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped myself in a towel and dried off, then got dressed in comfortable clothes. My hair was pulled into a messy, high ponytail. My fringe curled on my forehead. I knew I couldn't stay cooped up in my dorm room all day, so I decided to take a walk around the university, perhaps visit a park and get a coffee.

Christmas, it didn't feel like it was nearly Christmas. Soon, I would have to leave to see 'family' and honestly, I don't think I'd be able to survive doing that.

As I walked, I couldn't help but think about Henry's message. I knew I couldn't keep pushing people away, but it was so hard to let someone in. What would he think of me if he knew the depth of my pain and trauma? Would he still want to be around me?