𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚 |𝟏𝟖+

22 || White Roses

song: so cold by ben cocks

.....

matteo verrati

White roses.

"White roses were her favorite flower.. because they symbolized loyalty and we both know how deeply she treasured loyalty." Alice told me.

The image of white roses will now be forever ingrained in my mind as I've stared at them for this entire service.

I can't bare to look at the wooden casket that holds my girl's body. 

The first time I bought her flowers were for her funeral.

Guilt consumes me, making me struggle to breathe. I'll never forgive myself for wasting so much time. Aurora deserved to wake up every morning to the sight of flowers, find them waiting in the kitchen with breakfast. 

When my eyes find the dark wood, I instantly regret because now.. Now it's fucking real. Now, she's really gone. 

All the sudden, the spring weather is too fucking hot, this suit is no longer tailor to fit me perfectly and someone has their hand wrapped around my throat. All the sudden, there's a knife lodged into my heart, buried so deep, I'll never be able to remove it.

I grip my chest, feeling the abrupt, phantom pain. 

"Matteo?" Someone lays their hand on my bicep. Turning my head, my eyes meet Alice's teary, gray eyes.

Clearing my throat, I blink back the blurring tears and rasp out, "Yeah?"

"Do you wanna say anything?" 

For the first time since arriving here, I look around at the people here - more the lack of. Alice, Seb, Santi and a couple of the people she used to work with.

More than anything I wish we would've been granted enough time so that I could've gave her a family, babies. She deserved more than 7 people at her funeral. She deserved a huge family full of people devoted to her. 

The universe robbed Aurora of so many things. How could the most selfless woman have the most horrible life story?

"Matteo?"

I shake my head. "No. No, I don't." My feelings for Aurora are ours. Only for her, no one but her deserves to know how deep our connection ran.

Alice sighs from beside me. "I don't know how to say goodbye." Her voice cracks.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save her." I tell her before walking away. I can't bare to hear her say that because it's my fault that she doesn't have any family left.

Why did I believe her? Why couldn't I just have seen that she wasn't fine?

I walk up to Aurora's casket, holding my breath. 

Closing my eyes, I imagine I'm in my bathroom, getting ready to go to work. Aurora just woke up and I can hear the quiet patter of her feet on the floor. Her arms wrap around my torso from behind. Her soft, warm lips kiss my shoulder before I turn around in her arms. In my mind, I hold her and never let go.