chapter thirty four • double fisting margaritas

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Nathan Kingston

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Nathan Kingston

How soon is too soon to think that you are in love with someone? Is a month of actually dating and a month and a half of faking it beforehand way too soon?

Because I'm sitting next to Ivy on the roof outside her bedroom watching the sunrise on our fourth day here in California, post "proof-selfie" for Dylan, and I just feel completely infatuated with her, down to the way she pulls herself deeper into her sweatshirt every time a gust of wind passes us.

Am I falling in love with her this quickly because this is my first relationship? Is she falling in love with me too? Would she think I'm crazy if I told her I was falling in love with her.?

"It's so peaceful out here." The girl consuming my thoughts right now says while turning away from the sunset to look at me, knocking me from my internal freakout, "All you can hear is the waves crashing behind us and the seagulls squawking, not a taxi or billboard in sight."

"Unless you count the planes that fly over the beach during the day as billboards." I joke and she smiles back at me.

"I do kinda miss New York City, though." She says with a shrug, turning back to face the sunrise while I keep my gaze on the glowing profile of her face, "Everything is always moving and you can never feel alone because you're surrounded by millions of people on the street, or in their office buildings and apartments."

The way she describes it makes me think differently, I always saw the other people as nuisances, but of course, always positive Ivy would make me see it all differently.

"I never really thought of it like that," I tell her.

"Different people have different outlooks and for the record, you've made me think about things that I've never thought of before." she says, another brutal gust of wind causing her to retreat more into her sweatshirt and scooch close enough to me where I can wrap my arm around her.

"Oh yeah? What types of things?"

"I mean, for one, I never really thought not being able to afford rent and stuff like that because I've never had to worry about it, and after your uhm," her voice hitches and when it comes back its shakier than before, "suicide attempt, I spent all night looking up all kinds of statistics and it really opened up mind on all these mental health problems that people go through all by themselves."

I pull away from her slightly so I can get a good look at her face and catch a tear dropping down her cheek before she can wipe it off and then I clutch her into me tighter, not being able to bear seeing her getting upset. "I didn't mean to make you upset by asking that."

"It's not your fault, I started the conversation." She returns, her voice slightly muffled by her place curled into my lap.

"I still don't like to see you upset." I pause for a second, trying to think of how I can change the subject when the perfect idea pops into my head, "What do you have left on that bucket list you and Dylan made? We can do one of them tonight."

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