who knew | c.h.

hey got any nutella?

The next fay I found myself, clung to calums body as we slept in a queen sized bed, as I looked around mikey was sleeping on the couch with the tv on, ash was on the other bed, and Luke was in the kitchen, the only light that was on. I smile at him, and get up.

My foot still hurt but I could limp on it now."hey, got any nutella?" I raise a brow, as he put some toast in the toaster."no... hi yeah um it's in the cupboard need help?" He points to the brown cupboard. I nod as he uses his long arms to grab the bottle. As we wait for the toast to pop up, we make small talk.

"So are you serious about my friend" he chirps. I feel my head getting heavy, like I was sleeping."ah... sorry it's just... yeah I am" I didn't know what was happening with me, but I was starting to get really tired. So I grabbed the closest thing to Me, the chair, which came tumbling down with me. As I hit the floor, my vision beginning to blur and the taste of blood in my mouth, filled .

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I woke up in a boring white room , my head hurt like hell, and pills to my left and food to my right, with a lot of ivys attached. I look around for any sign of someone that could tell me what was happening, but I was alone. What if my cancer is back, what if this isn't real that I'm back in the hotel, I was praying this was just a dream. But I soon realized after multiple pinches to my arm, that it wasn't going away.

"Babe, thank god your okay" calum comes rushing in with a juice in his hand, his eyes all puffy from it looks like tears, then Luke, then mikey, then ashton all herded in. I looked at them with confused looks."do I have anything wrong with me, that makes you guys look like shit right now" I laugh, but shut my mouth, as soon as calum lays next to me, his hand clutched to mine.

"Babe, cancers back" he gulps, trying his best to hide his tears. I nod, as I hold his face, leaning into him."it's not lung... it's bone cancer, it's in your legs now" ashton pipes up placing his hands on the bed."oh, okay" now I was the one biting my lip, hoping the tears wouldn't spill. I needed Marcy, she was right and I just needed my family.

"Marcy" was all I said before bursting into tears that I've kept hidin for a long time."she's in the waiting room, she said she's to scared" Michael pats my stomach. I nod leaning back into calum, whose body is shaking, I grab his neck pulling his lips to mine."I'm not leaving any time soon, don't worry I'm fine" even tho I knew I was lying to him.

Cancer is a bitch, at first it's nothing, but when you seem to go fine with the medicine, it seems to bite harder into you so you can finally feel the pain, the doubt. The thing that kills you.

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It's been a week now, still no Marcy, my mum came, and calums never left. Not once.he just keeps saying "if I leave you and you die, I would never cope with myself, and eventually i would be right with you" while he held my hand, kissing me ever so slightly."well, I'm not" I just try my best to keep up with him, to try and make him happy, when I know this is going no where.

He eventually needs a shower, so he leaves, and doesn't come back. Giving Marcy an opportunity to talk to me alone. Her aroma filled the air as my eyes lifted, trying their best to stay awake from the drugs."hey" she says sitting on the ledge of the window criss crossed. "I'm sorry" I speak first , she shakes her head no,"no I'm sorry for the hateful things I said, I didn't mean them I was just mad, and now look what happened" she gets up rapping her arm around me as she laid next to me.

I hug her back, missing her, she is the only o e besides calum that gets me. "I have to go soon" she says after an hour of catching up. I nod knowing nothing can ever last. And I accidentally say that out loud, as she begins to cry, but I sooth her and tell her to go home get some rest.

As soon as she left I grabbed my phone and call calum. He said he hates himself for leaving because now he can't come back, because there still on tour. I told him I was not going anywhere and that we would talk on the phone and Skype.

The only problem is, I'm lying to him.