Waste Of Time (Seongjoong)

~20~

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I could confidently say that that's not how I expected that to go. I wasn't complaining by any means, but I still had to deal with the situation at hand. I still had to talk to him.

And there was better time then now. I had him lying next to me with the mid days sun shining through the window, making the melanin in his pretty tanned skin stand out even stronger.

Unreasonably pretty.
And I'll say that until the day I die.

Not even just his appearance, though absolute perfection, with pretty dark brown eyes and long eyelashes, a sharp swooped nose, and a soft jaw. His features were soft and pretty, he wasn't particularly masculine, but not feminine. He was perfect.

His personality. He was loud and obnoxious in the best ways possible, he was funny and smart and so idiotic at the same time.

Everything about him was so pretty. So perfect. Like the stars aligned to create him.

How many times over could I say it.

How long could I talk about it. I could go on hours.

"Ready to talk?"
I ask sitting up away from his still shirtless body laid on my bed, his hair was wet, and the blue has faded into an almost cotton candy colored light blue.
"Mmh~ I'm tired. But sure."
He responded sleepily.
"What do you want to do?"
I asked.
"I'm scared of a relationship, Seonghwa. I'm going to hurt you. I can almost promise you that."

"Okay, but can I ask why? Why would you want to hurt me?"
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at him, his eyes were still closed softly. The lack of eye contact bothered me more then I'd like to admit.
"I don't want to. I'm a shitty person, and a shitty partner. I will never be what you want."
He said, his words were sharp for how calm and sweet his tone was.
"I don't think that's true,"

"And I don't think you know what you're talking about. I think I'm an awful, horrific partner, and that's all I've ever been fucking told."
He was still so calm for the poisonous words that spilled from his mouth. His eyes were still so softly closed, and he looked so simply pretty.
"I don't think you actually believe that? Surely, you-"

"And I don't fucking think you get to decide what I'm thinking. You can't read my fucking mind Seonghwa."
He snapped.
"Jesus Christ,"
I said sitting up fully and crossing my legs up under me.
"Sorry,"
He whispered clearly apologetic.

There. That, that was much less of a perfect personality trait.

"I will say you have some serious anger issues. Fuck."
Hongjoong finally fluttered his eyes open and sat up, I couldn't help my eyes from wandering over his lightly toned bare torso.
He sighed heavily.
"Listen. I like you. A lot. But I just don't think I'm the right person."
He said. There was a sadness that he so obviously tried to hide deep within confidence of his words.

"But I don't think I want anyone else,"
I tried to reason. He shook his head.
"Neither do I,"
He laughed.
"But, I think you'll find someone better."

He had a pretty, fake, smile plastered on his face.
"Just, try?"
I asked.
"You're gonna get hurt."

"I doubt it."

"Seonghwa. I don't think you're listening. I like you. But I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know why I have a stupid crush. I don't know why my mind and body force me to want you so desperately when I don't want a fucking relationship. You're not hearing me. Seonghwa, I don't want to date you because I don't want a relationship."
He finished with a heavy sigh. His tone had so much hurt and sorrow in it. And I felt bad. I wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him. But I didn't. I just stared at him.

My phone rang with my quiet ringtone lighting up where it was sitting next to Hongjoong. We both looked at it.
"Your mom's calling."
He shoved the phone twords me. And I didn't want to answer. At all actually. But here we fucking go. I swiped up on the green 'answer' button and mentally prepared myself.

"I'm coming up to Seoul tomorrow."
She spoke in the most calm tone.
"Kay?"
I responded.
"And you're coming to dinner with me, I want you to meet my boyfriend."
Another boyfriend. Just what I wanted.
"Okay."
I sighed.
"Good. I'll meet you at Alla Prima. I've already reserved a table."
And before I could even answer, the phone call was ended.

"Okay."
I finally respond to Hongjoong.
"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Do you still want to, be... Friends? Or?"
I looked at him, and he was already nodding.
"Absolutely, Seonghwa."
He immediately responded.
"And, anything other then just friends?"
I didn't want to blatantly ask him if he still wanted to have sex with me. The question, for some reason, seemed so uncomfortable.
"If you want to be,"

We stared at each other.

"Do you want to keep fucking me or no?"
The question left my mouth in a way more angry manner, the discomfort suddenly evacuating my body. And Hongjoong burst out laughing.
"Yes. Yes I do."

"Okay."
I laughed with him.
"That won't make things weird, right?"
He asks.
"I'll take whatever you'll give me, Joong, and if that's what you're giving me, than that's what I'm goin' with."
He smiles and nods. And then we sit there. Silently. But comfortable and sweet. Looking at him was enough for me. But he decides to break that silence.

"What did your mom need?"
He asks lying back down into the bed, and I follow, laying next to him on my side to look at him.
"I'm going to dinner with her and he new boyfriend... I guess."
I say in a flat tone. Rolling my eyes to the mere thought of having to put up with that woman for longer then twelve seconds.
"Something tells you and your mom don't get along."

"Huh, where would you get that idea?"

"Why? What's up with her?"
He laughed. I sighed.
"She's just... Not a good person, or mother for that matter."
Hongjoong nodded his head at me,
"And I just don't like the idea of going out with her, the whole thing just brings me so much anxiety. I'm so annoyed.,"
I huffed and closed my eyes pressing my hands into my face.

I really was annoyed. Every visit was always sudden, and it was never actually about wanting to see her son, she just spun the tail that way. This wasn't about me. It wasn't about bonding. About me meeting her boyfriend. I am an after thought. And I always have been, and always will be.

Hongjoong cuts my spiraling thoughts short with his sweet voice.
"I'll come with,"
He suggests. I open my eyes to see him fully facing me, with his pretty deer like ones, soft with an expression of admiration.
"I'm not going to subject you to that."
I laugh.
"I'm subjecting myself to it."
I reach my hand up to ruffle his faded blue hair.
"Plus, she doesn't like dyed hair. She'd hate you,"

"I have good manners at least. I'm polite."
He retorted.
"When?"
I ask jokingly, yet I don't get an actual answer.
"She'll love me."

"I love you."
I said without even as much as a thought before the words were already leaving my mouth, and I was left with regret as we stared at each other.

Finally though, he smiled.
"I love you."
He leaned twords me, pressing a quick kiss against my lips.
"And I'm coming with you."
And another kiss.