Waste Of Time (Seongjoong)

~14~

The chapters was somehow fucked up, and it went from 13 straight to seventeen. Sorry for the confusion. Here's 14-16

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My doorbell rang.

I ignored it. Too tired to get up and check to see who it was. Mingi would've messaged if it were him, and considering I got no text, I didn't care.

The bell rang again.

I still couldn't have cared more.

And one again, the bell rang.

And I was annoyed. I drug myself from the sofa, and peeked out the peephole, seeing a short blue haired boy that could only be one person, and that person was of course Hongjoong.

I was still disappointed, and annoyed with him even though I truly had no reason to be. We weren't dating, he didn't cheat on me. He didn't do anything wrong. And still, I was mad.

I opened the door.
"What are you doing here?"
I asked furrowing my eyebrows.
He shrugged.
"Can I come in?
I moved to the side, allowing the shorter boy in.
"What do you want?"
I asked again. My tone was colder then I intended it to.
"To visit you."
He smiled plopping himself onto the couch, his legs folding up underneath him.
"And I wanted to talk to you, actually..."
His voice almost, fizzled out al the spoke the last few words.
"About?"
I sat next to him.

He let out a heavy sigh.
"Because I feel kinda bad,"

"About?"

"I guess, not reaching out."

"Yeah?"

He nodded his head. And we sat in silence.

I took the quiet eye contact to consider everything I could say to him. I always fell fast, fell hard, and he was no exception. I rarely told those who I fell for that I had, but something in me wanted to tell him.

For some fucked reason I thought he wouldn't reject me.

"Can I tell you something?"
I quietly breathed, he didn't respond, there was not yes or no.
"I like you, Hongjoong,"
He just stared at me.
"Like, a lot."
More silence.

"I- I don't."
He answered finally.
"You don't what?"
I

asked stupidly.

"Like you,"
I stared at him. Almost bewildered that I even thought for a second that he would accept my confession. I never failed to amaze myself with how stupid I really am.
"I- well. No. I like you. But just- I like you as a sexual partner."
That statement though, did send a certain amount of hurt and rage through my body.
"Oh. I see. So it actually is all for my body? Well, you got what you wanted, didn't you?"
He stared at me, obvious horror creeping onto his pretty face.
"That's not what I meant. I like you fine as a person."

"Fine? Just fine. Hongjoong. Please leave."
I requested.
"Wait. Seonghwa-"
H

He stood up off the sofa.

"I asked you to get out of my house. Please."
I strained to keep my volume down and tone steady. Everything in me wanting to scream at him.

"I like you as a sexual partner"
The comment had me seething in anger. Something about it was so unreasonably enraging.
"I said to get the fuck out of my house. Kim Hongjoong."
I nearly screamed at this point, frankly tired of looking at him.
"Fuck. But that's not-"

"Out. Right the fuck now. I will physically remove if I have to."
I stepped closer to him, watching him slowly shrink in discomfort and intimidation, I didn't have to lay one finger on him before he was finally quietly left my house.

We'd known each other over a month at this point. And I would've assumed he'd have more regard for me, I assumed being 'friends' didn't aquate to me being a sex toy for him. I, was obviously wrong.

He wasn't inclined to have fallen for me. I wasn't asking for him to, but I was asking him to at least consider, or at least not answer with that response. A piece of me felt disrespected in a way.

All I wanted to do at this point was either cry or sleep but instead, I stood here, alone in my small, dim living room. Just staring at the art that hung on my walls. Thinking over the prior interaction.

He didn't mean it was what I wanted to tell myself, the horror in his face should've said that, but he said it. He still said it. Out loud. To my face. Sure there was regret, but did he actually think it? Was there only regret because he said it to me. Only regret because it actually left his lips and wasn't just sat in his mind as silent thoughts anymore.

I don't think I would ever know. I won't talk to him again. I don't even know if I want to see him again as of right now.

Even if I did ask him, who's to say he wouldn't lie to me. Tell me he didn't mean it, and simply proceed to use me for my body all because I'm just that gullible and stupid to let him do it again and again if he just simply lied to me and asked for it.

I will avoid him like me life depends on it. And I can only prey he gets the signal through his thick skull that I am nothing but uninterested in him now.

If only I were actually uninterested.

Hurt.
Of course.

Still so unreasonably in love.
Absolutely.

Only now, that love was pissing me off more then before.