The smell of smoke and curiosity

~Broken~

It turns out Cassius was right. I must stay away from her, I could have killed her that day, I nearly did. What has been wrong with me recently? I'm hungrier and more monstrous, I don't want to go back to that man I was years ago, not that you could even call that a man, more like a beast. I just want to forget all that happened, I thought I did, if only I could blame Cassius's return for my sudden change of attitude but I can't I know deep down, this is what I am, what I was made for, and I will always be a monster. 

In between the times, I started to spend with Willow I was drinking from blood bags I had bought from a supplier at the hospital, yet I started to feed off her, I should have never started, it's my own fault I know, I should have just continued with the bags. I guess now that's all I'll be drinking, it's a good job I got some more while Willow was in the hospital, weaning myself off her blood is going to be hard, weaning myself off from seeing her all together is gonna be the hardest, though her blood is tempting, she is more addictive, and I can get through this.

 Before I knew it I'd drank all the bags in my storage, why am I so famished? I've never been like this, I feel like I can't stop. My legs give way and I drop to the floor, what's going on with me? My front door swings open, great, just who I wanted to see, Cassius. Stood there all smug just staring down at me, "What do you want?" I pull myself from the floor, still feeling weak but I don't want to look like that in front of him, any sign of weakness to him and then may just end me. He chuckled, ever so diabolical, "It worked then, hmm, how interesting" he laughed and kept a distance, still standing in the doorway, what the hell is he talking about?

My throat feels like sandpaper, and I'm starting to sweat, I rummaged through all the storage I had but I don't have any more left. He's just stood watching me, curious while I panic, "What are you talking about? just leave me alone, can't you see I'm busy" I shout but not loud enough, for my throat won't let me. He finally starts to edge a little closer and placed something next to me on the counter, then he edged back again, what the hell is that? a small little bottle containing clear, liquid. "I was testing something, turns out steroids work on vampires, quite well actually" I look at the blood packets and look back at him,  he laughed again, and stared me down, and I finally click.

All the time, I thought I was losing my mind. "T-the blood?" I asked, he just simply nodded like it was some sort of prank and I fell for it. "I've been in town a little over a month now, I just kept adding more to the batch to see how you'd react, it was pretty easy to switch out your ones for the ones I put steroids in, humans really do like their money" He's been bribing my supplier for a month? he poisoned me. "WHY?" my throat finally let me scream, though it hurt like hell, he just smiled and looked me up and down, "I want you back Dante, this human obsession of yours isn't healthy, come with me, live like a vampire again, not like these vermin, they are just food to us, I think you have forgotten that, so I was just reminding you" 

I lunged at him but he moved away fast, "YOU LIED, AND I NEARLY KILLED HER BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU CAN'T JUST THROW ME AWAY THEN EXPECT ME BACK WHEN I FIND SOMEONE THAT ACTUALLY WANTS ME" I'm on the floor, I want to kill him, but this drug is making me weak and too slow to take him on at the moment. "Dante you misunderstand, you're a vampire, she's a human, you really think she wants you? she's just scared of you, amazed by you, too curious for her little shoes" he leaned down, to my level but not close enough so I could grab him, "Kill her, it's what I made you for, to kill and enjoy yourself, you're unhappy like this" .

My feet finally gained strength and I stood back up, wobbling ever so slightly, "I will never be your dog again, I love her, and you will never compare to that, you're just a lonely man who needed someone to entertain him, now get out" His face cracked a little, my words had distracted him enough so I could push him out my house and slam the door behind him, I've never seen him look like that, he looked heartbroken, lonely, and bitter all at the same time. I hate him, he made me for his own entertainment, to please him when he becomes bored, I will not do that for him anymore.

The strength my legs had gained earlier gave out, and I dropped yet again, and water began to fall from my eyes, like rain, fast and cold. His words hurt me more than his actions, what he said about Willow, is she really just the way she is because she's scared of me but doesn't want to admit it? Not even a moment into my breakdown my phone buzzed in my pocket, it was like she knows the perfect time to message me. 

Willow: I know you don't really want to talk to me right now, but is everything okay? I heard a loud bang. 

God, I want to see her so badly. I don't even know what to say back, I just want to see her. I just put my phone back down and lay there on the cold floor, I'm so broken, lost and lonely. I just lay there in my own pit of depression, but not long before there was a knock at my door. I can't bring myself to stand, my legs are like jelly and the room is spinning, I think I've had too much of that steroid-filled blood bags that it's got to me differently. A few moments go by and the door creaks open, I can't even turn around now, everything hurts, but I know that smell, Willow.