My hope in love <3

26

My phone rings early Wednesday evening. I can just imagine who it will be. and I'm right. Tobi's mum is whispering in the phone. I guess she is tired. she invites me over but I say that I have too much homework to do. Well I would if I wanted to do it all today and get assignments finished that are due in another month.

I think about what his excuse is going to be and it makes me feel sick. So sick that I decide that my dinner should come up. It used to only be my snacks and junk but now I can't keep anything down. I feel around for my phone and I check my social media. There is a message from Mason and he's inviting me out. But with a bunch of other people. And I'm guessing the bitches are included.

The door bell rings and its Casey. So don't want to see her right now. She is excited, because Tobi is back and they can start dating for real.

"He's backkkkkkkk", she says overexcitingly.

"Yeah I know, his mum called me?" I say knowing that she is going to ask why his mum would do that.

"Explain?"

"We got pretty close before he left, you know, since we weren't exactly talking."

"Well we are now, you can definitely rely on me, no one else needed." She winks and i see what she is trying to say. She doesn't want me to be friends with Tobi. Well i'm sure he wouldn't have said anything about the kiss we shared so i keep quiet about that.

"Now all we have to do is find you a man and we are all good." There we go again. She wants to keep me occupied so i don't go hunting around for her man or something. Seriously. I think i learnt my lesson from last time. Although, whe she says this, it gets me thinking about Mason. But then those pretty girls also come into my mind and remind me of my low chances.

Tobi doesn't come to school the next day and i understand why. I decide to go to his house and act like everything is okay. See what he decides to say to me. As i predicted, his mum let's me in. I take the stairs two at a time eager to see him. but nervous at the same time. I knock twice and he shouts his approval of me coming in, only he doesn't know its me.

"Hi", i start off. Nice and simple. His face drops and the tension between us is rising.

"I just thought we should talk", i continue. "Did you get my..."

"I got your messages", he says cutting me off.

"So why didn't you reply. I've been so stressed about all this. What is going on?" There is a tiny bit of anger in my voice.

"I really liked you Tilly." Liked. He said liked. Past tense. He doesn't anymore.

"Liked", I say exaggerating the ed.

"Yeah..."

"Well i haven't changed. We haven't even seen each other since you left and when you left i thought you loved me." I just can't stop the words. My sentences begin to not make sense and i start to blubber as tears fill my eyes.

"There was nothing official then. I was just experimenting."

"Experimenting? Okay i'm leaving. You disgust me. She's my best friend. Maybe i should tell her what went on before you left. See if she stays." I storm down the stairs and walk out the door followed by his mum who is yelling after me with a box of tissues, her words loud and comforting. How could a lovely lady have such a bitch of a son.

When i get home i try to throw up. It usually works but then i realize i haven't eaten anything today. I stuff my mouth full of food and then get rid of it as fast as i ate it. i'm getting good at this. I self diagnose myself. Bulimia.