Small Town Days [Malec]

Life Tip #12- Resolve is Attractive

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had ever been in love?" Magnus asked. He held Alec in his arms on Luke's bed; he seemed smaller than usual.

"Yes," Alec said. "And you gave me some complicated answer--"

"Well, I can give you a straight answer now," Magnus said. "I thought about it."

"Okay," Alec said, slowly.

"I think I'm in love with you," Magnus said, kissing the crown of Alec's head.

Alec loved the way he said that.

"What about me do you love?" Alec asked. "Besides my stunning good looks--"

"And I'm the self-absorbed one?" Magnus sighed. "It was your eyes at first. Then it was the energy you had on stage. And I won't lie, for awhile it was the mystery of figuring out who you were, then it was the shock that it was you."

"And now?"

"Now it's your resoluteness," Magnus said. "The fact that you didn't back out like--"

Magnus stopped himself.

"Like what?" Alec asked.

"No one."

"Someone?"

"No one."

Alec was silent. Then he turned back and looked at Magnus.

"I'm not your first, am I?"

He wasn't mad, just curious.

Magnus knew that, yet he felt the need to be defensive.

"No." It was short, clipped.

Alec turned all the way around.

"Tell me about him-- or her-"-

"Doesn't that sort of ruin the mood?" Magnus asked. He knew he wasn't getting out of this story.

"I don't care," Alec said. "I really don't. But I do have to know."

Magnus took a deep breath.

"His name was Chris," Magnus said. "He lived here, in the city."

"How did you met then?" Alec asked, when Magnus didn't continue.

"An online chat room."

"GayTeenagersInIndianaMeet.com?"

"Ha ha ha-- no," Magnus snapped. "I don't even remember the website name."

"Too bad; I'd like to check it out."

"You know, I'm trying to tell a story here--"

Alec smiled, biting his lower lip in a way that was far too attractive for the serious subject matter.

"Stop that," Magnus said, but he couldn't help but smile as well.

"Okay, okay," Alec said. "Keep going."

"We met up--" Alec wanted to make an internet safety comment, but refrained. "--and I don't know; he seemed perfect. So we snuck around for a few weeks--"

"This sounds familiar," Alec whispered.

"--and then his parents found out. We were 16 at the time though and I was stupid and didn't get help for him. The last message he sent me said he was going to 'gay camp' and he'd be gone for awhile."

Alec wasn't stupid. He knew where the story was going.

"That's when he said 'I love you,'" Magnus said. His eyes and voice seemed to stray. "I sent the message back but he never opened it."

Alec didn't know what to say. He covered his mouth with his hands because he knew it'd be stupid to speak.

"'Gay camp' didn't work out," Magnus said. "He killed himself about a week later. I didn't find out until I heard somebody talking about it at school."

"I Googled the case and I studied it for hours. There was a note left apparently so I caught a bus to Indy and went to the police station and asked to see it. They didn't let me. I asked for the address of his parents. They wouldn't give me that either. I missed the funeral."

Alec shook his head, back and forth, trying to clear his mind of horrific thoughts.

That could have been him. That could still be him.

"So that was depressing," Magnus said, closing his eyes. He rolled onto his back.

Alec jumped out of bed, pulling half the blankets up with him, wrapping them around himself as he paced around the room.

Magnus felt exposed, in more ways than one.

He hadn't told anyone about Chris, ever.

Chris had been a mistake; a painful one, at that.

Magnus still wasn't sure if he ever loved Chris or if he loved the novelty of Chris.

It was one of the things that still haunted him.

But now he had Alec.

"Alec." Magnus sat up.

Alec was pacing.

"That could have been me, you know, if I had stayed with my parents."

"I wouldn't have let that happen."

"They drove him insane, Magnus!"

"The organization and his parents were charged with child abuse and they're all in jail," Magnus said. That had been the government's approved brand of justice: 5-7 years with parole. Someone else had gotten a manslaughter charge and was serving an extra two or three years. Magnus didn't truly believe that was enough but it was--

Alec stopped, breathing.

"Please come back here," Magnus said.

Alec stared at him from across the room, his face stone-cold.

"I hate it here."

"I realize that," Magnus said.

"I'm not going back."

"We still have to graduate," Magnus said.

"No--"

"Alec," Magnus said. "We have to go back to school at least on Monday."

"Everyone will know."

"Screw everyone," Magnus said. "It's two more weeks."

"We can't drive back here everyday after school. And I can't go home."

"I know it's not ideal but we can always stay at my place," Magnus said, slowly. "Now come back to this bed." Alec shook his head but walked back over, laying his head in Magnus' lap.

"I've never been to your house."

"And I've never been to yours," Magnus added, playing with Alec's hair.

"Okay," Alec said. "I'm going to call Isabelle then."

Alec started to move away and Magnus caught him.

"Stay here," Magnus said. "You can call her in the morning."

Alec relaxed again.

A lot of thoughts rested in their minds as they dozed off into dreams.