The Wrong Soulmate (BTS OT7)

Chapter 1.10-Jungkook

I was seriously starting to wonder if my soulmates even remembered I existed. Or if maybe I had idealized them too much and in fact they were just human.

The last few weeks had been truly terrible. Namjoon had eventually authorized the company to press charges with Yoona's reluctant support. But everything seemed to be falling apart with our group.

Yoona was slowly starting to expand her circle to include members beyond Yoongi but it just served to highlight who was on the inside, and who was most distinctly still on the outside. Taehyung was the second to develop a closer relationship, followed by Jin and eventually Hobi, which surprised everyone. But Yoona still would hardly look at me, Jimin, or Namjoon.

It was really heartbreaking to see her holding hands with my other soulmates, sitting on a couch together to watch a movie, sharing small smiles and secret looks, letting them feed her, and generally settling into day to day life together. Sometimes they even had meals without those she hadn't bonded with in the supposed name of Yoona being more comfortable. The more those five came together, the less time they had for the three of us that remained.

Now don't get me wrong, even if those four had gotten closer to Yoona they hadn't resolved their own disagreements and were regularly arguing. Hobi was still furious with Yoongi and Tae because he believed they had pushed her too fast by controlling her emotions. Jin was mad at everyone because they either weren't trying hard enough to include those who hadn't yet been "chosen" or they were "constantly whining" about being left out.

Ways we had kept our bond strong, through physical affection and warm feelings, were quickly slipping away. And I wasn't even sure I would consider some of my soulmates as friends at this point.

At least Jimin was in the same boat as I was. Each night we would crawl into bed together and hold each other close, trying to block out the other emotions flowing through our bond. One of us would inevitably end up in tears and the other hardly had the emotional reserves to push back with more positive feelings. So we were creating our own negatively reinforcing spiral.

I know I had always been pampered and I had always received special treatment. But I wasn't ready to give that up so quickly. I wanted to become a protective older soulmate to our new love, but I needed help to guide me as I figured out how. Everyone knew I was less confident around girls. Even four weeks later I hadn't touched Yoona so we weren't bonded at all. I wish I had a soulmate to take my hand and join it to hers to help both of us bond. But instead I was just being ignored.

I missed my Jin Hyung. He basically raised me. I missed him calling me baby boy and ruffling my hair. And I missed him crawling into bed with me at night and telling me how special I am.

I missed Yoongi Hyung. He always allowed me to be me. He was always telling me and everyone else how talented I was. He supported all my hobbies saying "if you are happy then I'm happy."

I missed my Hobi Hyung. We used to spend hours dancing together and he was always supporting and pushing me to be better. After we'd dance we'd lay on the floor side by side holding hands and feeling each other's euphoria from the music and movement.

I missed my TaeTae Hyung. He was my best friend. We were always together and he always had his hands on me, sharing his emotions and loving the feeling of ours tangling and intertwining together. He was the first to tell me what a good job I had done and the first to hold me close when I'd had a bad day.

I missed my Namjoon Hyung who now spent all his time locked in his studio avoiding us. He was my biggest hero and inspiration. Every minute I spent with him in the studio I was in awe. He was the most clever and talented musician I knew and I spent so much time just watching him, hoping to absorb some of his brilliance.

And I missed the Jimin Hyung I knew. He was supposed to be bubbly and bright, taking care of each of us and letting us take care of him. But instead he was weighed down by a heavy burden, barely able to maintain enough stamina to get up in the morning, let alone share his pools of joy with me. I felt like I now needed to try to be his solid foundation and I just didn't feel like I was good enough for such a big responsibility.

Oh how I missed each of my soulmates individually, but I also missed us together. We used to love to be together, at work, at home, at play, on vacation. The infighting had led people to largely remain in their rooms with the doors shut tight. And I could tell that some had even muted their connection to our emotional bond, neither receiving nor transmitting their feelings with others.

I could only hope and pray that Jin was right. Eventually everything would get back to normal, I just needed to give it time. But I really wasn't very good at being patient.