Balance, Baby

Chapter 32

He took his hands out of his pockets and put one on each of my shoulders, "I've never hugged you."

He pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around me. I unfolded my arms and wrapped them around him, closing the gap between us. My head rested on top of his heart, I listened closely to the sound of his heart beating in his chest. I took a deep breath and settled into his body even more. The feeling was interesting, different. One thing I could say was it felt safe.

"Why didn't you like doing things like this before? Hugs, touching, kissing?" I asked him.

He pulled out of the hug, "I don't know. The same deal, it feels like something you should only do with someone you really care about."

I smiled up at him, "Whatever you say."

His hand rested on my cheek and he leaned down, bringing his lips to mine. The kiss was nice, it was sweet and slow. It was the kind of kiss that left you with your eyes closed, biting your lip. It wasn't too special, but it made me feel giddy. I finally opened my eyes to see him standing up straight. "Feels weird," He scrunched his face up and I laughed.

"You don't have to kiss me, you know," I replied.

"Yeah, I don't think I will," He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, "I expect a few in bed every now and then, you'll have to compromise."

"As long as they're the same pace as our first kiss, I think I'll be okay," He nodded and laughed.

I smiled at his honesty. I felt like he didn't have genuine feelings for me. At that moment I realized he was just possessive of me because Judah was threatening his 'mate'. He wanted to have a claim over me, but he didn't have feelings for me. I believed everything he's said to me is true. But I think he kissed me due to a selfish motive, not emotion. Nevertheless, I smiled at him. I was content with it all. He could have me, in whatever way he wanted. I wasn't busy, or in a rush. I decided to let him figure it all out himself.

"Good," I smiled, "You don't have to hug me either, you know."

"I don't know," He smiled, "That was okay, I liked that."

"Well, you know me. I'm okay with anything, just be honest," I told him, "I'm heading in, I'm tired."

"See you tomorrow," He smiled and started making his way down the stairs.

I smiled and let out a long breath, that moment helped me clear my guilty conscience. I was starting to believe what everyone else was saying, that I was using Elijah. That he really cared about me. But, I didn't believe that was a fact. Especially after today. Of course I knew he cared about me as a friend. But I think our talk of emotional connection was misled by the risk of losing our sexual partners. Thinking about how everything has gone down, I feel like he is just possessive of the situation we have together. He wants to protect the safety of what we have, where he can be himself and get what he needs. I knew we needed to have another conversation eventually, but I also knew that when that time came he would bring it up himself. I went back inside, turning off the lights.

"Ky," Judah said from the couch.

"What's up?" I sat on the arm of the couch, by his head.

He put his hand on my thigh, "I'll always wanna kiss you." I furrowed my eyebrows and put my hand on top of his, 'He heard us?' I held his hand and he wrapped his fingers around mine, "I love you."

I felt my heart skip a beat. I sighed, whispering, "I love you too, Judah."

I knew the chances of him remembering this were pretty low. His grip around my fingers loosened and I stood up. "Close the window, please."