I'm In Love With My Killer

Aaliyah

Every year, he called our house and reminded me of how long until he got out of jail.. Seven more years Princess.. Six more and I'll see you again.. Five.. Five years to live.. I'm scared but I try hard not to show it. I already have some sort of plan. I've been showing he police his calls and voicemails when he called and now I have the police watching me so that they could protect me. But the protection is no longer for me. I can care less about what happens to me, I'm worried about my baby. I have a husband now who allowed me to have his child and shows me that he loves me.

I'm not going to mess this up.. No. When he calls and Leona is around, I look at her and then I hang up the phone. When he calls back, I unplug the phone for the rest of the day until her bedtime comes and Michael comes back home. I let him listen to the voicemail messages from him and watch him flip out. I never get under to this although I act as if I am. I just wait and then I plug it back in. I go sit on the couch and just watch the horror.

Michael having a mental breakdown and I just sit there pretending to be strong. I caught myself crying one time and quickly wiped it away while Michael was flipping out. I'm afraid that one day Michael will start throwing things around the house and scream at me. Or even worst.. He might ignore me and the situation. I'd rather keep this reaction of him swearing to kill him than ignore danger or put me and our daughter in deeper danger.

This time, Michael looked at me and saw me wiping away my tears while maintaining a straight face and came over to me.. He stopped in the middle of his tantrum to come over to me.. How scared would you be if this happened to you?

Michael: Sue.. I'm sorry that I'm scaring you..

I shook my head and I didn't dare smile at him.

Suesie: You're not.

I said softly.

Michael: I don't believe this.. Don't lie to me. I know you Sue, you're afraid of me and I don't want that. I want us to be able to fave each other like we're friends but love each other like we're what we are.

Suesie: We already are.

Michael shook his head.

Michael: No.. Nothing is the same. We don't communicate anymore. I come home, I spend time with Leona and then I come to you. I touch you and then what happens, happens. I don't want that anymore. I want my wife back.

Suesie: You have her already.

Michael: Don't give me that.. That's not true and you know it. You're afraid of me and I hate it. I don't want you to be afraid.

Suesie: I told you, I am NOT afraid of you!

Michael: Then prove it!

Suesie: How?

Michael: Make the first move.. And I don't mean sexually either.

Suesie: What do you mean?

Michael looked down and then the unexpected was said.

Michael: Hit me.. Just take your hand and slap me like I'm the bastard who raped you. Slap me like you wanted to slap Christopher. Like you wanted to slap Jomo. Let the anger build up inside of you and just slap me as hard as you can.

Suesie: No! Stop it!

Michael: Hit me!

Suesie: No!

Michael: Why? I know why. It's because you're afraid of me!

Suesie: I'm afraid of no man!

Michael: Then prove it!