A haphazard mess of Genshin One-shots

14 - Misc: Architchen

"Welcome, welcome, welcome!" Venti called out to his fellow archons. "Ei, been a while! How's your sexy girlfriend? Hi Focalors, still obsessed with Law & Order? Tsaritsa! I hear you're still living it up with a bunch of hot guys in IKEA's ice castle. OHMERGERD HI MURATA it's been sooooo long! Can I cook marshmallows over your hair again? Wassup Zhongli. NAHIDA MY LITTLE GENIUS DOOK DOOK FRIEND COME IN! You all made it!"

"And I only get a 'wassup'?" Zhongli sighs.

"Sorry, you're just the broski, ya know? I see you and your fiancé all the time," Venti shrugged. "Oh yeah, have you decided who your best man is gonna be yet?"

"Definitely not you," Zhongli glared at the shorter.

"So long as it's not Xiao, it's fine. Don't want him experiencing anything romantic unless it's with me, amiright bro?" Venti nudged his geo friend.

"I am no 'bro'" Zhongli deadpanned.

"Man, sounds like Ayato around Itto," Venti chuckled. "Anyway, shall we get started?"

The archons were all silent.

"Sounds great," Venti threw out a thumbs up.

"...you do know I'm hosting this event, right, Venti?" Xiangling interrupts.

"Oh yeah," Venti contemplated. "Take us away, then."

"Alright, we all know how this works!" Xiangling doesn't need to be told twice. "Today, Zhongli, Venti, Ei, and Nahida will be teaching this cooking class with dishes from their respective countries."

"Uh," Focalors muttered. "Raiden Ei, Barbatos, and Lesser Lord Kusanali are probably the worst cooks here."

"Well, how else are we gonna learn recipes from their countries?" Xiangling smiled. "Just because you can make a perfect croissant in 24.1 seconds doesn't mean the others are useless!"

Focalors only huffed in response.

"Anyway, worst goes first, so Ei, get over here!" Xiangling giggled at her rhyme.

The room was silent as they watched Ei strut over to one of the kitchens. Xiangling had hosted the event in Wanmin restaurant, so there were many large stations for each cook. However, for the first part of the session, only one archon needed to cook, so the others gathered around to watch.

Ei knew, of course, that she couldn't cook. Her son, her son's boyfriend, her son's boyfriend's moms, and her girlfriend reminded her constantly to stay away from the stove, even going as far as putting signs up that say 'oven this way, turn around, Ei!' in the kitchen. So, being wise 'n shit, Ei chose a basic recipe.

Taking out some milk, sticky rice powder, tofu (Xiao can smell it from here), sugar, green tea powder, and finally some food coloring, she was already ready. Yae Miko suggested this recipe because Ei loved it, plus it required no oven, with only calling for boiling water, which Ei was good at bc ramen.

The archons watched as Ei made dango with practiced perfection. After rolling out the dough, it was time to boil them. Unfortunately, Ei forgot to turn the stove on, so the archons had to wait a while for it to heat up.

In this small down time, Nahida decided to bring entertainment.

"Why can't the electro archon cook?" Cyno asked.

"This feels targeted," Ei muttered.

"Because she spent all of Ei-ternity avoiding the kitchen," Cyno said.

Crickets sounded, with a distant 'SHUT UP' in the background because Tighnari could hear all the way from Sumeru with those giant ears.

"I just killed over 200 vampires, but I'm disappointed. Want to know why?" Cyno started another one.