For My Soul

Chapter 20

There's a reason why there's no task here. But I hope you guys are looking after yourselves and I hope you enjoy this chapter

Amelia's POV-

"We are going to be fine," River says for probably the seventy-sixth time since we all sat down together.

His reassurance is for my benefit; everyone else seems fine. It's our last group meeting before we present tomorrow.

River is excited.

I am not.

But I am trying to be ok.

We all start to pack our bits away, River talking easily to his friends about all their plans tonight. I am thinking about how I am going to survive the waiting period from now to tomorrow.

I haven't been journaling this last week because every day has been moving so quickly, and I have two assignments due a week after this presentation, so I have been doing one of them and figuring out the other.

When I fall into study mode, it's always a weird mixture of healthy and unhealthy. I tend to focus so much time on studying that I don't have time to do all the well-being things. I guess I value education more than that, so keeping my head screwed on isn't a priority.

But I don't think that means I value education more than myself. Maybe. I don't know. Education is bigger than a single person, though, so I guess it does make it more valuable than me.

It doesn't matter, my point is that my head seems to be ok when the only thing I am doing is studying. I break up my studying with reading, but honestly, I am currently re-reading the book that I am doing my literature assignment on, so it isn't really a break.

Which I think is ok.

As the three of them talk about whether or not to meet tomorrow the morning before the presentation, I just stand there waiting for it to be ok for me to go. I had all my things packed up already.

"Okay so let's just meet half an hour early, I can give you all a pep talk," River says, catching my eye and giving me an amused smile.

I have probably been looking green about this presentation for a week or so now.

"Sure" "Okay." The two say, and they say goodbye to me and then walk away from the table, leaving River and me.

We've sort of partnered off, but I think it's just because River doesn't want to make me feel excluded. Plus, the other two have something going on, apparently.

River smiles. "You heading to meet Darcie now?"

I look down at the time on my phone and then nod.

"Can I come? I need to study, and I am sure Tom will probably be meeting her there as well."

I agree with a shrug, knowing he'd sort of come anyway.

I don't think he understands why this public speaking thing isn't as exciting for everyone as it is for him. I have been trying to not show how utterly awful I think I am going to be at this, mainly because it's embarrassing. I feel too old to be getting so sick over a little presentation.

But hey, I know myself. I know I can't do things like this.

No, I have to remember that thinking that 'I can't' is unhealthy and setting myself up for failure. Who knows, it might be ok.

It won't be. But it might be.

I could get a doctor's letter stating the GAD diagnosis as apparently there is a disability service I can talk to that would then mean I could get extra help in times like this. But I have Dawn already and honestly, I think I will make it through the presentation, I think I can do it.