Balance, Baby

Chapter 28

That's when Holden finally came into the room, he stood next to me. His smile was nervous, "How are you?"

"Literally shut the fuck up,"' I glared at him, "You did see my gaping fucking vagina didn't you? How do you think I am?"

He laughed, unsure of himself, "I'm sorry. Take your mind off of it. Are you excited to see her?"

I covered my face as the next contraction hit. Millie started telling me I was a powerful woman, that I was strong. She was the best person to have with me right now, by far. My mom had left by request of the doctor, they didn't want the room to be too crowded. But, Mille refused to leave saying she was my doula, self appointed by the way. I breathed heavily as Millie shoved Holden out of her way, holding my hand.

"You are such a bad bitch," She squeezed my hand back reassuringly. Once the pain passed, I sighed. She nodded at me, "Just let me know what you need."

I smiled at her, "Thank you," I turned my attention to the ceiling.

The doctor walked in, suited up, "How are we doing?" I nodded, not saying anything. "Are you feeling like you have the urge to push yet?"

"Yeah, I think so," I nodded again, feeling another contraction.

"Are you dad?" I assumed she asked Holden, "Okay good, this lovely woman right over here is going to talk to you about what you're going to do."

I groaned and covered my face again. Millie leaned down, "It's almost time, you're so strong."

I started crying, "It hurts so bad."

"Alright honey, you're going to start pushing like we practiced earlier. Once the contraction hits, just go for it Mama. Let us know when you're ready," The midwife instructed. She gave me a lot of confidence, she made me feel like I knew what I was doing. I pushed for a couple of hours, and it was fucking agony. I had been crowning for a while, but for some fucking reason she didn't want to come out. Millie was being such a real one, she helped hold up one of my legs and encouraged me the whole time.

"You're right there! Keep going," The midwife yelled enthusiastically. I gave up again, taking several heavy breaths.

"I can't do this! I can't, it hurts so bad," I was crying.

"Yes you can! You got this! Look at me," Millie was screaming, "You fucking got this! You're right there! Just let out that fucking war cry and finish this, queen!"

I nodded, taking deep breaths, "I can do this, I can do this. I've got this." I kept telling myself affirmations, waiting for the next opportunity.

"Whenever you're ready, just give it everything you've got. You just need one last big one and it's over," My midwife looked at me.

I nodded, still taking deep breaths, "I'm so scared."

"You've got this, I promise," Millie smiled at me.

"I've got this," I repeated.

The time came to push, I screamed and gave it everything I had. I pushed until I felt like I couldn't anymore, "Keep going! You've got this!" Millie yelled at me, I screamed even harder.

That's when I felt her slip out, everyone was making a lot of noise. I couldn't make anything out as I tried to look at what was happening at my feet. All of a sudden, I saw them lift up my baby. They placed her on my chest. She wasn't crying, but she moved her little hand. I could see her breathing, I put my hands on her back. Tears were running down my face, I was smiling so hard. 'I made this beautiful baby girl, with my own body.'

"I told you. She's beautiful," Millie was crying too.

The nurses were rubbing her and took her away suddenly. I looked over to see Holden by them as they started weighing her and stuff. The midwife was working on the aftermath, sewing me up. I kept looking at my baby, and she finally started crying. I looked at Millie, crying tears of joy, "I did it."