Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 48 - Eirik

After church, mom took us shopping. She noticed Einar wearing my shirts all the time now and decided to buy him his own. We stopped first at a Salvation Army where she could get more than if we went to a normal store.

I'm sure kids in school would never admit their parents bought some of their clothes here, but this is where my mom found my favorite ones. This is where we find the ones with more unique colors than what other guys in class would wear. For Einar, he picked out several purple shirts and one that had purple, pink, orange, green, black, and white stripes of varying widths.

Later that night, it would be my first time seeing my teammates since making out with Noah at the dance. I enjoyed it at the time, and I loved shoving it down the throat of the asshole kid dancing near us, but this was different. Would my teammates want us changing in the locker room with them?

You know what? It doesn't matter. If Einar can survive dad, and the coach, I can survive whatever the team says to me. Even Noah has survived so much worse than what any of our teammates might say. Though I never got his permission to kiss him in front of the guy. He kissed back. But does that mean he agreed with it?

Though I regret admitting it, I was relieved no one said anything at the game. I know I'm supposed to be proud to be me, but it's still scary sometimes. Words hurt a lot.

There I go again. How can I worry about words when Einar suffered so much more just to be himself? Am I failing as a brother again? I could be open and clear the path for Einar to be happy.

Another game won, but I was too in my mind to get any points today. I kept fumbling with the puck and making terrible passes. Thankfully, the rest of the team showed up to play.

After, the coach pulled me aside and asked me if I was feeling alright. He accepted when I told him I was just having an off day. I wasn't going to admit my problems to him.

I know he's a nice guy, but he is older and friendly with my dad. Of course, as the assistant coach, he probably had to be friendly with him. His son is a good guy, so should that be an indicator his dad isn't old-fashioned?

It's hard knowing what's true. As far as I know, there's still no open NHL player. And players talk a lot of homophobic things in locker rooms. I'm sure most are just following along, but how do you know how many are real or acting that way?

I wish things would change. Maybe I'll become the first openly gay NHL player and change things. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do that alone. What if I get Einar to come with me? How cool would it be to be the next Sedin twins!

They are our favorite current players, even if they play for Vancouver and not Detroit. Well, I say current because we haven't picked our new current players since they retired last year. I feel I need to defend myself as a Michigander and admit Konstantinov is my favorite player of all time.

I still believe the Russian Five are one of the greatest hockey lines ever. Anyway, with the twins gone, the league needs new twins. And think of how great it would be for all LGBT hockey players if those twins were both gay. Well, one gay and one abro.

In the car, mom tried to cheer me up, but I knew I played terrible. Nothing she said would change that knowledge. The further I got from the game, the more I forgot how bad it was and thought about my new fantasy. Sure, Einar wasn't playing yet, but I knew he was better than me back then, so he will still be.

I wonder if I could ask Sarah how to talk to Einar about joining me in my dream. I know he wants to join the Marines and then the FBI. But maybe I can get him to do this with me for a few years. We could help change the league we both love so much.