Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 8 - Eirik

It felt like forever when a younger man in a white doctor's coat came out to speak to mom and dad. "Hello, I'm Dr. Simmons."

Mom stood, stretching out her hand, asking, "How is Einar?"

"Your son fell off his school bus. From reports from the paramedics, he was unconscious for a period before they arrived. He is suffering from light and noise sensitivities right now. At a minimum, he has a concussion, but we'll run some scans to see if there is any swelling or bleeding in his brain," Dr. Simmons said.

"Will he be ok?" mom asked.

"Too early to say. We'll wait for the results of the scans. Until then, it's best not to worry about the worst case," he said.

"Can we see him now?" mom asked.

The doctor looked at his watch. "He'll be getting his tests right now, but I'll bring you back to his room."

Back in his room, I thought back a few months ago when I found his diary while sneaking around his room. Earlier that day, I saw him stuffing something under his mattress. Curious, and when he was gone, I went in and found his journal.

Taking it back to my room, I quickly glanced through it and found entries about dad. The things dad was doing to him made me cry. Worse yet, I wanted to hurt dad, but was still too afraid to intercede in case dad did these things to me as well. That journal was proof of the things he would do if he knew I was gay.

Einar detailed all dad's threats, and they made me sick. Not because I thought them lies, but with the world as it is, they could be true. Joey and Simon mock suspected gay guys sometimes. I've just always told myself if they knew their best friend was gay, they would change. But what if they don't?

It broke my heart when I read his belief I would help kill him. I loved him and would never hurt him. I looked through to see if he wrote about me. Relief filled me that he never wrote about me being mean to him.

But why? I knew I've been mean to him. He wrote about longing to be my friend again and that made me cry. He should hate me. I betrayed him and still am. Even now, I'm not stopping dad.

Einar wrote that he didn't want to break up the family, but maybe dad doesn't deserve to be with us. They brought Einar back into the room, which saved me from thinking more about this. I love my brother, but don't know what to do.

Mom talked with Einar until the doctor came in. I listened to their conversation and wondered if this could all be dad's fault. Dad never even talked to Einar or asked if he was ok. He kept looking at his watch and told mom he needed to get some sleep.

Mom looked pissed, and they argued about dad not caring enough to stay. Einar covered his ears. I didn't know if they were too loud or if the argument was bothering him.

Dad stormed off after trying to take me with him. He said I should be in school, but mom said that he was the only one who didn't seem to care about their son and should leave. I looked out the door and saw a nurse at the desk looking in at me. She smiled but didn't look away.

The doctor came back in to talk. He had a cart with a computer on it. Looking past him, the nurse was still looking in here. She didn't appear embarrassed that I discovered her watching. It seemed like she wasn't doing anything else besides watching us. I thought it strange.

"We have the results and there are some issues of concern," he said.

Mom squeezed Einar's hand, and his eyes opened again. He looked confused and looked around. He rubbed his eyes and squinted at us a few times. It seemed like it took him too long to figure out what was happening.

Dr. Simmons was watching him too. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok," Einar said.

"Do you remember what happened or where you are?" he asked.

"I fell off the bus and I'm in the hospital."

"That's correct. Do you remember what day it is?" the doctor asked.

He seemed to think about it. "I remember I did earlier. But I don't know anymore. It's still Monday, right?"

"That's right. You have a concussion with cerebral contusions in both temporal lobes." He pointed at the screen with one hand while switching images around with the mouse. "Cerebral contusions are just bruises. I suspect you suffered a coup counter-coup injury, which means your brain shook and bounced off both sides of your skull."

"All of that from falling off the bus?" mom asked.

Dr. Simmons shrugged. "It is hard to say right now. While some people witnessed him falling, no one was certain how he landed. However, Einar admitted to suffering head trauma before the fall. It's possible he already had a concussion."

Mom looked at Einar. "What do you mean, he had head trauma before the fall?"

The doctor looked at Einar before returning his gaze back to mom. "Those are questions for another time. His brain needs to heal. His memories of the day could be hazy."

"But," mom interrupted.

The doctor held up his hands. "There is time later to find out these things. Right now, he needs rest and we will scan his brain again several times over the next week to monitor the bruising. His brain needs time to heal."

"Fine," mom said.

The doctor walked out and Mom got up to follow him. I heard her call for him, but their voices faded. Einar looked at me, and I moved my chair to him. I grasped his hand, which was lying by his side. His face was slack, with no emotion at all. I wondered what he was thinking about or what was happening inside his brain. His eyes looked empty, and I thought his brain might be off like in the morning before school.

I kept looking into his eyes. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too."

"He won't hurt you again." I just knew it was dad. I would stop him no matter what.

His eyes came back into focus, and he looked into my eyes. They penetrated deep into my soul. "He always hurts me."

Mom returned to the room and placed her hand on Einar's head as she stood beside me. She ran her fingers through his blonde hair. I felt a pang of jealousy. I want her to stroke my hair too.