Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 5 - Einar

My dreams were awful that night. I woke several times throughout the night. I woke up one final time and had to use the bathroom bad.

While I was making my way across the room, I noticed something emerging from the light socket beneath my light switches. First, I saw a head pushing out. Then the rest of him appeared.

Fear overwhelmed me and I screamed as loud as I could. Mom burst through the door and asked me what was wrong. I told her what I saw, and she wrapped her arms around me reassuring me, telling me no one was there and no one would hurt me.

As always, I believed her. After a few minutes, she told me in a gentle voice to go back to bed. I was so scared I couldn't go back to sleep. I ended up watching a stand up special of Robin Williams. He was my favorite and I never have nightmares when he helps put me to sleep.

My alarm woke me up in the morning. My television was still on. I couldn't remember if I saw the full show or not. Taking a shower, I was relieved my head felt better.

As I washed my hair, I felt some pain over my temple. Once out, I looked for bruising in the mirror. Moving my hair around, I thought I saw something. It felt like there was a bruise.

Once on the bus, the motion made me sick. At school, I took longer than normal to stand up and make my way off the bus. As I was stepping down the stairs, I felt uneasy and stumbled.

Pain shot through me again, and then I felt nothing. I became aware of people touching me and panicked voices. I recognized the voice of my brother and he sounded scared.

I wanted to fall asleep. But I wanted to know what was going on. My voice seemed distant, even to me. "What happened?"

"Oh, thank god."

I wasn't sure who spoke, so I tried lifting my head and became nauseous. I felt someone push me back down. "Don't move."

I still didn't know who was speaking, but not moving sounded like a wonderful idea. Shutting my eyes, my head felt better. Only then did I realize someone was holding my hand. As my eyes opened, Eirik came into view. He appeared to be scared.

"Don't leave me," I said to him.

"I won't."

I heard sirens in the distance. The noise of sirens got louder until they felt like they were coming from inside my brain. It hurt my brain and my vision was scrambling.

Eirik's hand slid out of my hand, panicking I lifted my head trying to find him. A man I didn't recognize was above me and held me down. "Don't move. We're here to help."

"The sirens, they hurt too much," I said and tried to cover my ears. Shortly thereafter, the noises died out.

"What is your name?" the man asked.

"Einar."

"How old are you, Einar?"

"Fifteen."

"Do you know where you are?"

"School."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Not really. I remember walking off the bus and then nothing."

"Do you know what day it is?"

"Monday," I said.

"How about the exact date?" he asked.

"Nope, sorry."

"That's alright. Did you hit your head?" he asked.

"Yesterday."

"How did you hit your head?"

"My dad hit in the temple with a golf club," I said. I don't know why I said that. But I forgot I said it a few seconds later. Then I remembered, but I couldn't tell if it was real.

"Your father hit you in the head with a golf club?" he asked. I saw him look over at someone else.

"Did I say that? Crap. I can't tell what's real." I knew I should stop talking, but I couldn't.

"Where on your head were you hit?"

"My right temple," I said. I felt a soft hand touching my head.

"Why did he hit you?" he asked.

"Because I'm gay. Shit! I didn't just say that. Please don't kill me." I lifted my arms to protect my face and chest.

"Why would we kill you?" he asked.

"Everyone hates gays. Please, I don't want to die," I said. I was still dizzy. I had to struggle to stay present. When I tried to relax and just let go, I would get even dizzier. It felt like my head was spinning. The more I relaxed, the more it spun.

"Does anyone else know your dad hit you?" he asked.

"No. And no one can find out."

"Why is that?" he asked.

"I can't say. I need to stop talking. Stop talking, Einar," I said to myself.

"Alright, Einar. We will get you to the hospital. We will get you neck in a collar and then move you onto a stretcher and into the ambulance," he said.

"Can my brother come with me? I don't want to be alone," I asked.

"Is your brother here?"

"Yes, I dont know where he went. We're identical."

"Ok, we'll get that figured out after we get you in the ambulance," he said.

I felt them move my head a little and put something around me. It was very uncomfortable. Then they moved me onto something and they lifted me into the air. I was moving and soon was inside the ambulance. The man was talking to me the whole time and seemed nice. I hoped they would forget what I said or ignore it. I don't want dad to hurt me.

"Alright, Einar, we talked to Eirik and he will come with you. Your mom has already been called, and she is heading to the hospital to meet you there," he said.

"My dad works at the hospital, so he is probably still there," I said.

A look of concern crossed his face. "Is he a doctor?"

"No, maintenance," I said. "Um, can you not say anything about what I might have said? I don't know what's real or not right now, but I don't want to get in trouble. And don't tell my mom or brother, they can't find out."

"I can't promise that. But if you let us, we can get you help," he said.

I tried to turn my face and look away. A tear rolled down my cheek as I feared my dad. I don't want to die and I don't want my dad to be proven right and the police and doctors not to help me. Or worse, beat me. I heard Eirik's voice draw near until he was in the van.

The doors were pulled shut, and I felt the van lurch forward. I didn't feel the same dizziness as I did on the bus. I fell asleep.