Drowning In Your Love

Mundane Things

Tine had locked the store and fell into steps beside Wat as they strolled behind Mew and Gulf. Mew was playing with Gulf's hair as he talked about something or the other. Tine glanced at Wat, they hadn't talked much but silence between them wasn't uncomfortable. Tine didn't feel the need to fill it up with words and that was relaxing in some ways. At times when sat down and thought hard about his life, he felt that things went wrong too often than they went right. He wasn't the kind of person to pity himself but he was sure not many had so much happen to them in such short amount of time. Of course he knew people went through worse and still came out strong but not all storms made warriors, some made broken people.

He would like to think that he had learnt a lot from his past and was a stronger person now but that wasn't true. He didn't feel strong at all, not mentally and definitely not emotionally. Losing his parents and then being mistreated by his relatives had taught him to not expect anything from anyone even if they are related to you by blood. Being kidnapped, raped, abused, beaten, humiliated, only destroyed his will to live, there was no life lesson to be learnt there. Though he would never admit it to others but many nights he would close his eyes wishing he wouldn't have to open them in the morning. And every time he woke up in the morning, he would feel a bit disappointed that he didn't die.

He never seeked out ways to kill himself or even harm himself but deep down he would wish maybe fate would do it for him. Maybe he would just get into an accident or some life threatening disease would end his suffering but nothing like that happened. Lots of bad things happened to him but they didn't kill him. He can't open up about it with Gulf, that boy was sensitive and emotionally unstable even now. He drew his strength from the fact that Tine was doing okay so he could too. If he knew Tine was depressed then it would break all his self confidence. Tine would never do that to Gulf. They had been each other's safe place all these years and it worked perfectly well for both of them.

Tine wasn't unhappy but he wasn't happy either. He just existed because he couldn't do anything else. He wondered if this could be called living. To him it was just getting over with the day one by one. He had no aim or goals in life neither did he want to be something. Even the bakery was something he started because they had to make money somehow and this seemed as a better option. He felt something akin to envy when he met people who strived to be something or worked hard to achieve a goal. It was fascinating to watch and at the same time a bit sad. That's why he didn't think he and Wat would work.

Even if you disregarded their history, he was sure Wat could do better. The man was successful, driven by a purpose, full of life and determination. He definitely didn't deserve to end up with a messed up burden for rest of his life. He had risked enough by saving Tine's life and if he took anything more from Wat it would be disgraceful. All things said it was still hard to maintain the distance between them. Even if his mind was convinced why he should stay away from Wat, his heart was a different matter. He couldn't deny the connection between them no matter how much he wanted.

He felt safe and warm when Wat was by his side and his greed for that feeling made it impossible to say no to the man. Maybe he could enjoy this for a while, as long as it lasts. It would be selfish of him but he could a bit selfish for a little while, right? After everything he had been through, a little sunshine wouldn't hurt, right? They had takeout for the dinner and washed up to go to bed. Tine took a deep breath and pushed all the thoughts out of his head, for now at least. He may get back to overthinking in the morning.

Gulf had asked him if he could cuddle with Mew tonight and before he could overthink, Tine had agreed. He was standing outside Wat's room gathering the strength to knock on the door. Wat had opened the door as soon as he had knocked.

"Gulf is sharing the room with Mew."

"Yeah. Come in."

Tine stepped inside nervously, fidgeting with his phone. Wat was in shorts and T-shirt looking beautiful as always.

"Tine, are you okay? If you're feeling uncomfortable I can sleep on the couch."

"No. It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Being under blanket with Wat just inches away wasn't that unnerving as he had thought. He knew Wat was still awake so he decided to ask the question that had been bugging him for a while.

"Wat?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Saving me. Taking care of me. Why?"

"Because I want to. I'm not the type of person to beat around the bush so I'll be straightforward with you. I like you, Tine. I really like you."

"But why do you even like me? That's something I don't get."

"Tine, what do you think falling for someone is like? Does it need to be dramatic, a single special moment that really stands out? Maybe for some people it happens like that but it's not like that for everyone. I like the way I feel around you. And it's not pity like you think. I don't pity you, my Tine. Do I want to kill everyone you had hurt you? Yes, definitely. But that's not the reason I want to be by your side.

I want to make you smile and have fun, I want to go on trips with you, gossip about nothing and everything, just share little mundane things. I'm not here to heal you, only you can do that. I'll love to be part of that journey. I just want to have breakfast with you in the morning, have late night snacks while we work on things, go grocery shopping on weekends, I just want to do trivial things with you. I want to do all those boring things with you.

Tine, you're so luminous, like you're so beautiful and everything you do is endearing, all I can do is stare and hope some of that light would hit me someday. You're just too adorable that I can't look away."

Tine willed himself to not cry but how could he not. He burst into tears but for the first time they didn't feel sad. Wat hugged him tightly, "So, Tine can I be your normal?"

"Of course."