In Bleak Midwinter

Chapter Twenty-One

The next morning, Emily woke abruptly to a strong and overpowering sense to throw up. This was primarily because she had just previously had a dream about the argument between her and Tommy, so much so, she wanted to violently eradicate any notable feeling she withheld inside of herself. But, it was also primarily the classic case of morning sickness.

Mary had instantly been alerted to the disturbing wretches coming from the room Emily confided in. She hastily made herself useful by pinning back Emily's hair and waited patiently for her friend to stop.
Once Emily got a grip on the emotion, the two sat by the toilet together.

"This is rather poetic, isn't it?" Mary chuckled in hopes it would lighten the mood.
Emily sighed and giggled at the stupidity of both her comment and the matter.
"Is it the baby or Tommy?" Mary then inquired.
"Both I believe, Mary" Emily responded, wiping the few baby hairs that fell loosely across her forehead.
"Oh Em" Mary frowned sympathetically.
She pulled her friend in for large, compassionate hug.
"I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's not fair"
"Life isn't fair" Emily said, pulling away from the hug.
"Oh don't get all political with me. Give yourself a break!" Mary rolled her eyes.
The two women laughed again.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" She continued to questioned.
"Not a fucking clue. If I'm honest, I think I'm fucked" Emily shook her head.
"No. No- there's got to be a way? We can sort this Em, everything will be okay" Mary insisted.
Emily sighed and attempted to pull a small, comforting smile.  "I've always admired your optimism Mary..."

—————

Later that day, Emily made the peculiar decision to visit James. She had no reason to see him, other than the fact it may have been considered a 'comfort in grief call', but she found it suspicious that James had been radio silent since the death of his cousin.

Emily stirred the tea she had just been handed and took a small sip before sitting back in the armchair. She looked at James and waited for him to say something.
"So, what can I help you with Emily?" He finally spoke.
"Why is there always an agenda with you?" She said, squinting her eyes as though she was trying to suss him out.
"Why is it always a fucking interrogation? You're the one who visited me" he defensively responded.
Emily shrugged and sipped her tea again.

The two sat silently, listening the the clock chime obnoxiously louder than it normally would.

"So what's your plan now that Henry is no longer an obstacle?" James said, attempting to spark conversation again.
"Why was he an obstacle?" Emily snapped back.
"Fuck me. Again with the interrogation? I'm only trying to make conversation" James retorted.
"Sorry. I'm just a little stressed. I apologise" Emily quietly sighed.
"No, it's okay. I understand... I'm sure it's nice to have comfort in Tommy" James shrugged.
Emily shook her head slowly and placed her hand on her softly rounded baby belly. She looked down miserably.
"What's wrong?" James asked, sensing her evident sadness.
"Oh. Tommy and I... we-" Emily paused and cleared her throat, "I don't think I will see him again".

James looked at her in disbelief. He couldn't form words to respond to her comment, so instead, he just looked at her to elaborate.

"I know you didn't get on with your cousin James. But, after all, he was a good man... a good man who would have provided a safe environment for this baby - though it is not what I wanted, it was a sheltered life that Tommy could never provide... as much as I wanted him to. That is why I agreed to marry Henry in the first place" Emily paused to clear her throat again. "I had to accept the inevitable, and deep down, I believed I would have grown to love Henry. Maybe not in the same way I did Tommy, but enough to protect my children".

James nodded slowly.

"But, I think you know as well as I do, Tommy has done the unthinkable. For that, I cannot forgive him... oh god, James it breaks my heart. I hate it. And now, I have to somehow figure out what I can do about my situation-"

"Marry me?" James suddenly interrupted.

Emily shot him a clear, blank look.

"I know this is abrupt, but I promised Henry I would look after you when he passed" James said.
Every word emerged quickly without much thought from his lips.
"He was never a good horse rider. Maybe it was evil of me to let him lead the hunt? I knew the dangers of the path, I knew the horse would get spooked, but I did it regardless. I told Tommy he would owe me a debt one day - he told me he didn't want it - but now I regret my actions because I see it pains you" he confessed quickly.

Emily was brutally confounded. He had just confessed to manslaughter.
She instantly thought of Tommy and how she had shamefully blamed him. She was mortified.

"James... are you saying you are responsible for Henry's death?"

James looked up, guilty as one could ever be. He realised his quick, open confession.

"Oh my god" Emily said, looking directly horrified with both his actions and her own. She dropped the mug of tea and watched it smash across the floor.

"Shit" James panicked. He ran over to her and checked to see whether she was hurt by the smash or hot tea which had spewed across her feet.
"Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?"

"James..." Emily gasped. "I cannot marry you... I won't marry you... I've got to go". Emily hurriedly paced out the room and desperately rushed home....